Week One Recap - Shaking Out the (Rod) Rust

[Quoner]

Four hours. You miserable bastards posting all of your comments and hot takes and fart noises took me a whopping four hours to sort through. Have you ever tried to explain to a loved one why you have been on the computer in the living room for four hours while watching TV? Of course not – most of you queers probably were probably haven’t even touched a woman. Not me, bro. I’ve touched lots of ladies and fist bumped a lot of bros. That’s why you all - you were totally craving my carnal touch. I can’t blame you, especially when it takes a village to a game day story some guy wrote for free during a holiday weekend.

So, what happened on the internet this weekend? The short version is we took the Tecmo Bowl NES playbook down to Austin, but forgot to cover up our controller and our friend Charlie kept seeing the plays. Oh, and we let our little brother mash the buttons after the snap – but with his face. At half time, we had 31 yards of offense. That’s 93 feet – which is not even up to the standard feet-to-heat ratio the Athletic Department has historically known. It was so bad, But hey, at least we got a for our troubles.

As always, it’s never about the results with these recaps – it’s about the fallout. I have a four page outline of everything I read that made me laugh with hyperlinks, but there’s just no way I can do it all justice. Who is to blame for this debacle? What will happen next? Where does the buck start? The worst part is our coach to expect…

First, if I have learned nothing from recent podcasts, it’s that a good, long look in the mirror. Each of you need to figure out exactly what you can do to improve these team, sell out the stadium, etc. Some of you, like Emmitt, think is going to change things. Others, especially Ben Gooding, get what needs to be done. Talk is cheap, you worthless fat dads with guts and receding airlines. The team needs a quarterback, and much in the tradition of E. King Gill and the 12^th Man, there’s only one man ready to win – Honestly, it’s time to embrace our inner Veeck and make this happen. If this doesn’t work, why not just at once? You could also just yell at them and but that seems counterproductive. My big idea? for convincing kids to avoid going to large programs.

There are a number of Derek Thompson threads and points I could point back to, but then I saw that was good enough for me. But seriously, in a special moment, our QB play was so bad it healed old wounds, and isn’t this really all about the friendships? Still, in one of the most Andrew posts of all time, the game would have been totally different! Still, at least our guys lived And hey, some people didn’t even to this one! Some people did drive and even found ways to but they probably aren’t real fans.

Still, if you breath into a paper bag three times and knock yourself in the genitals with a hammer, it’s clear to see this game proves (non-plausible theory, Texas has not gotten any worse at all since 2006.) Also, this is now that the game has happened because we totes opened it up! In short, there is no wrong way to – your answer tells you more about yourself than the team. It’s deep.

There was also lots of fun to be had in and around media. First, The Goose thinks the world’s slowest 4^th and goal rollout and unnecessary ball spike by They also might earn the E next week if they have to actually defend more than one slant pass. More importantly, we got to show those jerks at the DMN a thing or two about how much MeanGreen01, please post a draft of your letter and let them know predicting us to score 13 points on offense was irresponsible and reckless. More importantly, don’t let Rudy borrow your men’s mags unless you’re willing to part with a few pages. In short, Stefan came out of this thread really looking stupid. But really, why do reporters find us dumb and have to be it? Also, the LHN is the worst thing on the planet, but on the other hand, if you go to a maybe you get the crowd you deserve? Finally, this is worth a chuckle.

MY GOD – I still have two pages of notes. I hate you all. Also, Dickey reference! Drink

So, what’s next? Do we because people will stack the box? Do we figure out how to more effectively crash for no logical reason? Do we keep Tony and the hell away from our team? Is James329 going to give us his the RV podcast? Do we (I also had a joke about Eddie Delgado and crowded rooms and chat rooms, but then I got distracted. Feel free to workshop your own.) Oh, and is it time to again? I mean, it’s been days since something changed.

Still, as always, the good part is that people care. Some people are which is just silly. Some people are (and there’s still time for another team to think Trice.) Other people are (and yes, this thread could easily get its own breakdown post there is so much happening.) My main takeaway? Give Green Machine an army of even-keel posters and he’ll win a battle. Given him a handful of Ben Goodings writing angry letters and he’ll win a war.

We now have less than five full days until the Ponies come to down and they had the audacity to before arguably outderping us. Now that both programs have been reminded of who runs this state in horrible fashion, there is nowhere to go but up. In short,

Week One Poster Power Rankings (Top 5)

1. Ben Gooding (I mean, was there a doubt)
2. James329 (not a big name, but solid work all weekend)
3. Green Machine (full villain – just needs a lucha libre mask because it is freaking glorious.
4. MeanGreen01 (for the DMN prediction thread alone)
5. ChristopherWalker (a selfie is worth a ton of points.)

Oh ,as for the Dunning–Kruger effect – I know what you all think I’m going to say, but I’m going to do some introspection and realize that maybe these posts aren’t that great and I should focus more on…just kidding, I’m gonna live forever!

This post has been promoted to an article

[Censored by Laurie]

psh.

I am 31 and in shape. I know I could have written for damn 4 hours. If GMG is giving another forum out for a d-bag who can't write I'm available.

[cdizzle86]

Oh ,as for the Dunning–Kruger effect – I know what you all think I’m going to say, but I’m going to do some introspection and realize that maybe these posts aren’t that great and I should focus more on…just kidding, I’m gonna live forever!

[Cerebus]

Reading this recap has really made me re-evaluate what it is I'm doing with my life...

[Ben Gooding]

Haha. Yeah I posted way too much. My wife was out of town, I was kickin 'em back and I was disgusted. Laurie, 15 yards. FIFTEEN.

[untjim1995]

Four hours. You miserable bastards posting all of your comments and hot takes and fart noises took me a whopping four hours to sort through. Have you ever tried to explain to a loved one why you have been on the computer in the living room for four hours while watching TV? Of course not – most of you queers probably were probably haven’t even touched a woman. Not me, bro. I’ve touched lots of ladies and fist bumped a lot of bros. That’s why you all - you were totally craving my carnal touch. I can’t blame you, especially when it takes a village to a game day story some guy wrote for free during a holiday weekend.

So, what happened on the internet this weekend? The short version is we took the Tecmo Bowl NES playbook down to Austin, but forgot to cover up our controller and our friend Charlie kept seeing the plays. Oh, and we let our little brother mash the buttons after the snap – but with his face. At half time, we had 31 yards of offense. That’s 93 feet – which is not even up to the standard feet-to-heat ratio the Athletic Department has historically known. It was so bad, But hey, at least we got a for our troubles.

As always, it’s never about the results with these recaps – it’s about the fallout. I have a four page outline of everything I read that made me laugh with hyperlinks, but there’s just no way I can do it all justice. Who is to blame for this debacle? What will happen next? Where does the buck start? The worst part is our coach to expect…

First, if I have learned nothing from recent podcasts, it’s that a good, long look in the mirror. Each of you need to figure out exactly what you can do to improve these team, sell out the stadium, etc. Some of you, like Emmitt, think is going to change things. Others, especially Ben Gooding, get what needs to be done. Talk is cheap, you worthless fat dads with guts and receding airlines. The team needs a quarterback, and much in the tradition of E. King Gill and the 12^th Man, there’s only one man ready to win – Honestly, it’s time to embrace our inner Veeck and make this happen. If this doesn’t work, why not just at once? You could also just yell at them and but that seems counterproductive. My big idea? for convincing kids to avoid going to large programs.

There are a number of Derek Thompson threads and points I could point back to, but then I saw that was good enough for me. But seriously, in a special moment, our QB play was so bad it healed old wounds, and isn’t this really all about the friendships? Still, in one of the most Andrew posts of all time, the game would have been totally different! Still, at least our guys lived And hey, some people didn’t even to this one! Some people did drive and even found ways to but they probably aren’t real fans.

Still, if you breath into a paper bag three times and knock yourself in the genitals with a hammer, it’s clear to see this game proves (non-plausible theory, Texas has not gotten any worse at all since 2006.) Also, this is now that the game has happened because we totes opened it up! In short, there is no wrong way to – your answer tells you more about yourself than the team. It’s deep.

There was also lots of fun to be had in and around media. First, The Goose thinks the world’s slowest 4^th and goal rollout and unnecessary ball spike by They also might earn the E next week if they have to actually defend more than one slant pass. More importantly, we got to show those jerks at the DMN a thing or two about how much MeanGreen01, please post a draft of your letter and let them know predicting us to score 13 points on offense was irresponsible and reckless. More importantly, don’t let Rudy borrow your men’s mags unless you’re willing to part with a few pages. In short, Stefan came out of this thread really looking stupid. But really, why do reporters find us dumb and have to be it? Also, the LHN is the worst thing on the planet, but on the other hand, if you go to a maybe you get the crowd you deserve? Finally, this is worth a chuckle.

MY GOD – I still have two pages of notes. I hate you all. Also, Dickey reference! Drink

So, what’s next? Do we because people will stack the box? Do we figure out how to more effectively crash for no logical reason? Do we keep Tony and the hell away from our team? Is James329 going to give us his the RV podcast? Do we (I also had a joke about Eddie Delgado and crowded rooms and chat rooms, but then I got distracted. Feel free to workshop your own.) Oh, and is it time to again? I mean, it’s been days since something changed.

Still, as always, the good part is that people care. Some people are which is just silly. Some people are (and there’s still time for another team to think Trice.) Other people are (and yes, this thread could easily get its own breakdown post there is so much happening.) My main takeaway? Give Green Machine an army of even-keel posters and he’ll win a battle. Given him a handful of Ben Goodings writing angry letters and he’ll win a war.

We now have less than five full days until the Ponies come to down and they had the audacity to before arguably outderping us. Now that both programs have been reminded of who runs this state in horrible fashion, there is nowhere to go but up. In short,

Week One Poster Power Rankings (Top 5)

1. Ben Gooding (I mean, was there a doubt)
2. James329 (not a big name, but solid work all weekend)
3. Green Machine (full villain – just needs a lucha libre mask because it is freaking glorious.
4. MeanGreen01 (for the DMN prediction thread alone)
5. ChristopherWalker (a selfie is worth a ton of points.)

Oh ,as for the Dunning–Kruger effect – I know what you all think I’m going to say, but I’m going to do some introspection and realize that maybe these posts aren’t that great and I should focus more on…just kidding, I’m gonna live forever!

This post has been promoted to an article

Have we ever seen Ben Gooding and UNT_Playmaker together? Just curious...

[SSP]

Is Ben Gooding a brother of "Meangreener" ?

Oh and you, sir..... Are awesome.

[oldguystudent]

Oh and you, sir..... Are awesome.

You shoulda seen him and Tasty go off both here and independently during the Dodge years. If you could've canned those words, you could've won a war with them.

[Shuke-D]

Pretty good. But you missed the most glaring revelation. And I mean huge. In the selfie thread when Christopher Walker went all Robin John Blake and said he wasn't afraid to stand up to those guys, Cerebus inadvertently revealed his true identity.

He's the former mod GMG deserves, but not the one we need right now. So we'll threaten to stab him. Because he can take it. Because he's not our hero. He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A dark poster.

[Cerebus]

Cerebus inadvertently revealed his true identity.

[Christopher Walker]

Pretty good. But you missed the most glaring revelation. And I mean huge. In the selfie thread when Christopher Walker went all Robin John Blake and said he wasn't afraid to stand up to those guys, Cerebus inadvertently revealed his true identity.

He's the former mod GMG deserves, but not the one we need right now. So we'll threaten to stab him. Because he can take it. Because he's not our hero. He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A dark poster.

Somebody gild this man.

[THOR]

Reading this recap has really made me re-evaluate what it is I'm doing with my life...

it took you a thread on the internet to figure that out???

[JesseMartin]

Reading this recap has really made me re-evaluate what it is I'm doing with my life...

You're doing Vincent D'Onofrio?

[Cerebus]

You're doing Vincent D'Onofrio?

Nothing gives you the right to judge me.

[eulessismore]

Well done, +1, Sir.

[Texas Stranger]

Still, if you breath into a paper bag three times and knock yourself in the genitals with a hammer

Why would I want to damage a perfectly good hammer ?

[JayDub]

I'll stop in for a moment to say, "well done, you magnificent bastard".

Now, back to my self-imposed exile.

[LongJim]

The world is a more interesting place with you in it, gentle writer.