Let's bake some cookies

[emmitt01]

I'm absolutely amazed that we still have people who honestly believe that it is logical to blame 18-20 year olds who have PLAYED AT A HIGH LEVEL THEIR ENTIRE BASKETBALL CAREER UNTIL THIS SEASON.

But, since I'm a big proponent of education and allowing people to see things from a different view at time, let's bake some cookies. (KRAM, step away from the keyboard...I know you want to chime in right here)

Now, for the first ten years we're gonna bake our cookies with the following ingredients:

Eggs

Flour

Sugar

Butter

Vanilla Extract

Chocolate Chips

Walnuts

Pretty decent cookies.

Now, let's make a slight change to our cookie recipe. Now let's bake our cookies with:

Eggs

Flour

Sugar

Butter

Vanilla Extract

Chocolate Chips

Motor Oil

Some of you, inexplicably, would honestly tell me (and more importantly, the people who DON'T buy tickets out of love for NT) that the reason their cookies taste like fermented ass is BECAUSE OF THE F'ING BUTTER, SUGAR OR EGGS!!???

Anything not to blame the motor oil or the chef who threw it into the mix, huh?

Edited February 3, 2013 by emmitt01

[NT03]

I'm hungry

[oldguystudent]

If I recall, motor oil was the beverage of choice for the villain in Quantum of Solace. Seems legit.

[UNT90]

Personally, motor oil cookies are my favorite.

Off topic... Or not?

[Greendylan]

I think the coach sucks and some of the players have not shown much as a result. I would still expect more from a 'lottery' pick than games against crap teams with single-digit shots.

You're absolutely right, but then again did we often accuse our "lottery pick" of needing to give more last year when he had a different coach motivating him? What about when he was on Team USA? What about the NBA camps he attended? He is responsible for his effort, but it doesn't seem like this was necessarily a common theme until this coach and this season.

[golfingomez]

no peanut butter?

[gksmith]

I thought Moter Oil was toxic.

[emmitt01]

I thought Moter Oil was toxic.

And boom goes the dynamite.

[LakeTravis]

I tried the 2nd recipe.

Are you supposed to vomit blood?

[Rudy]

We can't bake cookies. Benford wouldn't leave them in the oven long enough.

[MDH]

White sugar or brown?

[emmitt01]

White sugar or brown?

It's always racial with you people.

[Green P1]

[Texas Stranger]

What if we upgraded to synthetic? Mobil One macaroons ?

[UNT90]

I thought Moter Oil was toxic.

Your just a big P.

Motor oil just gives me the runs.

And I like it.

Edited February 4, 2013 by UNT90

[Army of Dad]

It's always racial with you people.

What do you mean 'you people'?

[MeanGreenTexan]

I dunno Emmitt. Upon first glance, that recipe doesn't look so bad. I mean, those cookies were a smash at Marquette's banquet last year. Everyone loved them.

And we had some great eggs and chocolate chips returning from last year's cookies, so I think they could work...

... ...

... Oh, I see what you did there...

DO NOT EAT THESE COOKIES!!

[Greendylan]

So, last year our bakery used only the finest walnuts. However, that particular brand of walnuts is no longer available. Instead of ordering a five year supply of a different brand of walnuts, our head baker accidentally ordered a five year supply of motor oil. Now that all the regulars of our bakery have been vomiting and vowing never to return, we have realized that motor oil is not now nor will ever be an acceptable substitute for walnuts. Regardless, we are stuck using motor oil for years to come even though we all know it is poisonous. Apparently, we are one of the poorest bakeries in our city and we spent every last cent we could scrounge up on the motor oil. Now the chocolate chip and flour distributors will also likely stop servicing our bakery because they don't want to be associated with the sickness and health code violations resulting from our cookies. I guess we just have to give up on cookies for the next decade or more until we run out of motor oil and the public forgets about how dangerous and disgusting our products have become. To keep our bakery in business, we really need to hope that our bread starts to improve. It hasn't sold well since 2004!

That sad part is that prior to the motor oil incident our cookies were often finalists in our annual neighborhood baking contest.

[Stan R]

So, last year our bakery used only the finest walnuts. However, that particular brand of walnuts is no longer available. Instead of ordering a five year supply of a different brand of walnuts, our head baker accidentally ordered a five year supply of motor oil. Now that all the regulars of our bakery have been vomiting and vowing never to return, we have realized that motor oil is not now nor will ever be an acceptable substitute for walnuts. Regardless, we are stuck using motor oil for years to come even though we all know it is poisonous. Apparently, we are one of the poorest bakeries in our city and we spent every last cent we could scrounge up on the motor oil. Now the chocolate chip and flour distributors will also likely stop servicing our bakery because they don't want to be associated with the sickness and health code violations resulting from our cookies. I guess we just have to give up on cookies for the next decade or more until we run out of motor oil and the public forgets about how dangerous and disgusting our products have become. To keep our bakery in business, we really need to hope that our bread starts to improve. It hasn't sold well since 2004!

That sad part is that prior to the motor oil incident our cookies were often finalists in our annual neighborhood baking contest.

Hilarious. Sad part is this is the actual reality of the situation once you decipher all the metaphors here.

So, if you are an AD in charge of hiring the baker, and there was a chance that your baker could make motor oil cookies for the next 5 years, you would think long and hard about (prudent) overspending on a decent, proven baker right? Especially given the fact that:

1.) You already under-spent hired a high school cafeteria expert to work at your 5-star hotel and he gave food poisoning to 4 out of 10 customers for the 3-4 years of his tenure. That guy burned your hotel bad for years to come.

2.) You ALSO already under-spent on your pastries chef who managed to think that melamine was a terrific additive to replace the cumbersome food coloring that needed to be added to the pastries. This lady had to be let go, based on your choice as well.

Maybe the hiring manager is the problem here?