I've Made A Whole Website Dedicated To Potential Coaches

[The Fake Lonnie Finch]

But, I'm not going to activate it until after the WKU game - if we lose that game.

If we win or play FIU close, then beat WKU, I'm going to hold out hope. If we get beat by WKU, that'll be the end. They are really bad. At that point, even beating an equally bad ULM wouldn't make a difference.

I know this team can do it. They just need someone from shop class to make a giant wooden schedule showing the results of the first six and listing the remaining six games.

Then, Todd Dodge, needs to bring a chain saw to the locker room Saturday and saw the giant wooden schedule in half between the Arkansas State game and the FIU game.

Then, he needs to turn off the chain saw and say something stirring and patriotic to his team like, "Alright, the first half of the season in gone. F'get aboud it! What counts is these next six here where there aren't any final scores yet. So, now, which ones of you will take off your skirts and put on your big boy fighting pants and go out there a start delivering victories faster than Cynthia Izaguirre can erroreously deliver news!"

Then, after the team is all stirred up like a nest of lawn mower-buzzed yellow jackets or other ground-dwelling vespidae, he needs to fire up the chain saw again, cut off the FIU part of the sign, and wave it wildly over his head while shrieking like a lemur before throwing it to one of the captains...after he turns off the chain saw again, though.

Then, the team needs to take the sawed off FIU portion of the sign to the sideline with them and look at it before they take the field. Each player, before they take the field. The offense before it runs onto the field. The defense before it runs onto the field. The special teams before they run onto the field. The trainers and medical staff before they run onto the field. Each and every player and staff member is accountable to the wood.

Then, after FIU is vanquished, the wooden board bearing it's name is to be brought back to the locker room and burned with the lighter of whichever player smokes something. And, when the board is burned, the ashes are to be stomped upon and trod underfoot at the heel of the victors. Thus saith the Lord.

Then, the next week, the same thing is to be done, except at WKU instead of Fouts Field because it's a road game. Each week, one piece of the schedule sawed off by Dodge, carried to and from the sidelines, then destroyed as the team fights it's way to a 6-5 record with only the Kansas State Wildcats/Aggies standing in the way of a final victorious farewell to the stadium and a possible bowl birth.

It could happen.

Edited October 12, 2010 by The Fake Lonnie Finch

[GrayEagle]

Just so Todd operates the chainsaw and not one of our players. At our rate, we'd lose the chainsaw operator and a couple of bystanders to an accident each week that we tried that. That wouldn't even count the burns which could also be season-ending.

Edited October 12, 2010 by GrayEagle

[TheTastyGreek]

6.

[The Fake Lonnie Finch]

6? Come on, man. I threw in a gimme line about shrieking lemurs!

[TheTastyGreek]

6? Come on, man. I threw in a gimme line about shrieking lemurs!

[MeanGreenTexan]

...The trainers and medical staff before they run onto the field...

This is good stuff. They'll probably be out there more than anyone else at the rate our injuries are occurring.

[LongJim]

?

[TheTastyGreek]

?

Just guessing. Hopefully not just wishful thinking, though.

[UNT90]

But, I'm not going to activate it until after the WKU game - if we lose that game.

If we win or play FIU close, then beat WKU, I'm going to hold out hope. If we get beat by WKU, that'll be the end. They are really bad. At that point, even beating an equally bad ULM wouldn't make a difference.

I know this team can do it. They just need someone from shop class to make a giant wooden schedule showing the results of the first six and listing the remaining six games.

Then, Todd Dodge, needs to bring a chain saw to the locker room Saturday and saw the giant wooden schedule in half between the Arkansas State game and the FIU game.

Then, he needs to turn off the chain saw and say something stirring and patriotic to his team like, "Alright, the first half of the season in gone. F'get aboud it! What counts is these next six here where there aren't any final scores yet. So, now, which ones of you will take off your skirts and put on your big boy fighting pants and go out there a start delivering victories faster than Cynthia Izaguirre can erroreously deliver news!"

Then, after the team is all stirred up like a nest of lawn mower-buzzed yellow jackets or other ground-dwelling vespidae, he needs to fire up the chain saw again, cut off the FIU part of the sign, and wave it wildly over his head while shrieking like a lemur before throwing it to one of the captains...after he turns off the chain saw again, though.

Then, the team needs to take the sawed off FIU portion of the sign to the sideline with them and look at it before they take the field. Each player, before they take the field. The offense before it runs onto the field. The defense before it runs onto the field. The special teams before they run onto the field. The trainers and medical staff before they run onto the field. Each and every player and staff member is accountable to the wood.

Then, after FIU is vanquished, the wooden board bearing it's name is to be brought back to the locker room and burned with the lighter of whichever player smokes something. And, when the board is burned, the ashes are to be stomped upon and trod underfoot at the heel of the victors. Thus saith the Lord.

Then, the next week, the same thing is to be done, except at WKU instead of Fouts Field because it's a road game. Each week, one piece of the schedule sawed off by Dodge, carried to and from the sidelines, then destroyed as the team fights it's way to a 6-5 record with only the Kansas State Wildcats/Aggies standing in the way of a final victorious farewell to the stadium and a possible bowl birth.

It could happen.

Great.... Now, is the chain saw going to coach the team? If not, all that other stuff is just desperation.