911 !

greeneagle69 · September 19, 2010

Dispatch: 911, what is your emergency ??

Caller: Oh my gawwwwd, pleeze hurry !! I just got here, he's lifeless....he's gonnnne, he's gonnne.....

Dispatch: Who are you sir and who is the victim ??

Caller: I am Dr. Nowit Hall Fann, I'm at the stadium...he's on the turf, covered in his own puke...he's not moving...his eyes are rolled back and kinda crossed, his tongue is swollen and sticking out, snot is running out of his nose...and he just farted !!!! And my little buddy here is my own little pet football team. Oh please hurry, he's not breathing..

Dispatch: This sounds like an overdose...look around for meds, bottles, anything for a clue !

Caller: Oh lawdy, say it aint sooooo, he didnt !!. Here's an empty bottle of "oxy-moron-coton"....oh wait, an empty box of Exlaxidasicalidocane...and a whole lot of beer cans.....Whaada I do, whadda I do ???

Dispatch: Well, you're a doctor, haven't you seen these signs before.....like maybe last year, or the year before ??? Cant you diagnose this for yourself ??

Caller: I am a proud and esteemed member of the "Bored of Rejects"..I get to sit in a very special seat at every gave and event...I get free stuff. I am surround by thousands that also love my little pet and love to watch him do his tricks. My specialty is diagnosing that there IS a problem...not actually fixing one.....oh gawwwwd,please quit dragging this out, he's dying.

Dispatch: It appears he has indavertently mixed the 2 meds together. Exlaxidasicalidocane dulls his pain and helps him not give a damn or give a damn what YOU think. The oxy-moron-coton is also a pain suppressor but will manifest itself with crazy behaviors like dropped TD passes,missed snap counts, blocks in the back, blocked punts and the disasterous closed-eyed head-down old-lady arm tackles. The beer is what caused the fart. Just leave him alone....he will awaken just fine...maybe stronger than ever. Right now he feels kinda like and adult that is stuck in puberty.... just cant seem to grow out of his growing pains.

Caller: So this will all go away ???

Dispatch: Yes, ..but actually you and all your friends suffer the effects...a mass halucination of continuous desasters without actually taking the meds yourself. My suggestion...is that you start taking the meds too !!!!! You cant help him sir...you have to save yourself. But lay off the beer...it'l make you fart !!