Monday Morning Recap

[Quoner]

Well that sucked. No, not just the outcome, but the process.

You know how I followed the game? I refreshed a cell phone over and over again during a wedding out in a town of 788 people My wife even bailed on the event after I committed, leaving me to face this task alone. I got married so I could not be one of the sidshows at the wedding fiddling in my pants during the Grand March, thank you very much!

Since this game wasn’t carried by a reliable stat provider, the Mobile ESPN refresh didn’t give any sort of play by play. Instead, it just waited for the next faxed update from the press box to roll through, meaning entire 5-7 minutes chunks of game time would roll off before something new was posted. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW F’NG ANNOYING THAT IS? If you don’t, a good way to simulate it would be to either drop a tire iron onto your testicles or just sit through the Leno show that is keeping FIVE HOURS of original programming off the air. I TYPE IN CAPS BECAUSE I AM MAD.

Since I also vanished last week, I had a lot of threads and posts to sort throguh today, so I had to be discerning. Even just opening the topics that held my attention left me 41 threads to sort through. So to make the recap today, you had to either help the narrative along or be an extreme outlier of awesome or failure (or both)!

So put the lotion in the basket, tuck it back and get ready for the second Monday Morning Recap of the season:

Things were not looking well before the game, but we refused to see it. First, the XBOX let us down. Then, another dancer asked for our support (and hopefully an advice pamphlet or two this time). Then, God attempted to flood us back to next week yes, I implied that he didn’t get the job done. Is this possible based on your view of God’s plan and power? Please discuss freely in a new thread!) Yes, Tobe was still twatting, but something felt off about the whole weekend. Still we prayed, but even that was hijacked by tired SMU B.S. Are you there Football God? It's me, Quoner.

Playmaker tried to kind of maybe warn us somewhat maybe, but no one knew what it meant. What if they cancelled the game because we all had matching panties and blouses? Even noted super-serious poster UNTLifer tried to lighten the mood with jokes ,about Mandy and color coordination, but it just didn’t click. The final nail in the coffin? The return of this guy.

Actually scratch that – it was probably starting this thread the day before the game. WHY? That's like kicking football Moses in the groin with spiked cleats. It was already 9/11 - why must we keep spreading this sort of terror?

We all know what happened during the game, so I’ll skip to the aftermath.

Emmitt kept it in perspective. with the same comment I made to my friends at the wedding: it may suck, but it sure beats last year.

We wanted to blame someone or something, maybe:

-The roughing the passer call declination?

-The winning catch not being a catch? LET US YOUNG GUNS HAVE OUR TEXAS MOMENT!

-Unsportsmanlike conduct penalties and play calling?

-Riley's injury?

Once that was out of our system, we asked the bigger questions.

Was TFLF right about his concerns about Riley's durability? (Man, I hate that guy)

Why does the scoreboard malfunction? They probably just let someone run around posting fake scores all day.

Is Ball State not very good? Man, I hope note, because when I win my fourth game in 3 years, I want it to be against a mid-major USC --- OR BUST!

Why can’t I stand up all the time? The game was close!

Why do all teams everywhere schedule post game firework shows for families!? They should eat the cost of arranging it if we lose, and the kids who have fun on the field should spend more time learning football and investing emotions in the outcome than wanting to see a show? You want fireworks so bad, go do a tour in Afghanistan like real patriots. We would even still have the same ones we bought last year!

Then, things got even deeper. We reflected on ourselves and our place in the bigger picture, and began asking if maybe we had been trained to think that shadows we see on the walls around were the only "reality" we knew. Just kidding, it was more BS:

Hey, we’re not Oregon, but Ohio might be BSU.

Ohio was a good team, patient and steady but you most definitely beat yourselves last night. Oh MeanGreenBob, you cad.

RV, if you’re reading this, KingDL needs you to teach the fans to cheer. He wrote it in caps and everything. This is why you need Twitter.

I don’t even have a biting comment for this nonsense. Are we really doing this?

Now that Bill Snyder will die on the field at KSU no matter how many times ULL beats them, can we expect him to back out of next year’s game?

Most importantly, when are you stupid mfers ever going to learn? Dodge should make all of you run laps until you quit.

NOTE TO EVERYONE: Focus on the defensive turnaround and realize that our running game and the D are going to butter our bread this season. This new-fangled thinking might just be crazy enough to work. See why so many people had such raging football tips for DeLoach?

Finally, no one here breaks it down better than LongJim (but to be fair, he's basically jumped the equivalent of a pole vault stand with no bar to earn that title). Appointment reading

SO COME ON! LET'S GET READY FOR BAMA!!! WHO'S WITH ME?

Support Nathan Tune. Or you know, don’t. Whatever.

Keep last week in perspective, fans. It was a good effort in bad conditions with a lot of adversity, but, actually, you know what? This team sucks.

What a board.

[TheTastyGreek]

Nice work, as always... But I'm a little sad that you decided not to go with the high concept bit we discussed.

[Censored by Laurie]

Nice work, as always... But I'm a little sad that you decided not to go with the high concept bit we discussed.

Film a prime-time comedy monologue routine and invite guests on to talk about themselves?

[Stan R]

Recap reportcard:

Research work: B+

Inappropriate and borderline remarks: A-

Inside GMG.com lore references: B+

PlummMeanGreen multicolor paragagraphs: F

Dislpaying a sharp wit that proves you are smarter than us all: D+

I think next week you should focus on bringing your A game.

[Quoner]

Nice work, as always... But I'm a little sad that you decided not to go with the high concept bit we discussed.

Decided to save it because there was too much to cover. I think we'll have one more chance to use it.

[Quoner]

Recap reportcard:

Research work: B+

Inappropriate and borderline remarks: A-

Inside GMG.com lore references: B+

PlummMeanGreen multicolor paragagraphs: F

Dislpaying a sharp wit that proves you are smarter than us all: D+

I think next week you should focus on bringing your A game.

I'll be honest, I get bored really quickly doing these. I think a format change might be in order -- maybe half how it is now and then maybe a PM mailbag or favorite 80s movie reference? I red that Simmons guy and see how he's blazing new trails, and then I just feel like I can do more.