Krams Favorite Topic: Soccer

March 13, 2009

http://www.firstthings.com/onthesquare/?p=1329

"Any sport that limits you to using your feet, with the occasional bang of the head, has something very wrong with it. Indeed, soccer is a liberal’s dream of tragedy: It creates an egalitarian playing field by rigorously enforcing a uniform disability. Anthropologists commonly define man according to his use of hands. We have the thumb, an opposable digit that God gave us to distinguish us from animals that walk on all fours. The thumb lets us do things like throw baseballs and fold our hands in prayer. We can even talk with our hands. Have you ever seen a deaf person trying to talk with their feet? When you are really angry and acting like an animal, you kick out with your feet. Only fools punch a wall with their hands. The Iraqi who threw his shoes at President Bush was following his primordial instincts. Showing someone your feet, or sticking your shoes in someone’s face, is the ultimate sign of disrespect. Do kids ever say, “Trick or Treat, smell my hands”? Did Jesus wash his disciples’ hands at the Last Supper? No, hands are divine (they are one of the body parts most frequently attributed to God), while feet are in need of redemption. In all the portraits of God’s wrath, never once is he pictured as wanting to step on us or kick us; he does not stoop that low."

Pretty amusing...

KingDL1 · March 13, 2009

http://www.firstthings.com/onthesquare/?p=1329
"Any sport that limits you to using your feet, with the occasional bang of the head, has something very wrong with it. Indeed, soccer is a liberal’s dream of tragedy: It creates an egalitarian playing field by rigorously enforcing a uniform disability. Anthropologists commonly define man according to his use of hands. We have the thumb, an opposable digit that God gave us to distinguish us from animals that walk on all fours. The thumb lets us do things like throw baseballs and fold our hands in prayer. We can even talk with our hands. Have you ever seen a deaf person trying to talk with their feet? When you are really angry and acting like an animal, you kick out with your feet. Only fools punch a wall with their hands. The Iraqi who threw his shoes at President Bush was following his primordial instincts. Showing someone your feet, or sticking your shoes in someone’s face, is the ultimate sign of disrespect. Do kids ever say, “Trick or Treat, smell my hands”? Did Jesus wash his disciples’ hands at the Last Supper? No, hands are divine (they are one of the body parts most frequently attributed to God), while feet are in need of redemption. In all the portraits of God’s wrath, never once is he pictured as wanting to step on us or kick us; he does not stoop that low."
Pretty amusing...

Must be a communist sport, nothing like the real sport of Ice Hockey!

Censored by Laurie · March 13, 2009

I love that the two examples as to why "God" "gave" us opposable thumbs are baseball throwing and prayer.

March 13, 2009

I chuckled at Mark's favorite sport being called a "liberal's dream." ...

oldguystudent · March 13, 2009

As long as we're dissing sports, and awaiting KRAM's inevitable statement that baseball is just a bunch of guys standing around, I'll really stir the pot and say that the only two things in the world more boring to watch than soccer are golf and NASCAR.

aztecskin · March 13, 2009

As long as we're dissing sports, and awaiting KRAM's inevitable statement that baseball is just a bunch of guys standing around, I'll really stir the pot and say that the only two things in the world more boring to watch than soccer are golf and NASCAR.

Haha.

no but really, NASCAR is really boring.

and so is golf. like REALLY.

And baseball should only be three innings, because those are the most interesting.

oldguystudent · March 13, 2009

And baseball should only be three innings, because those are the most interesting.

Many times, people have tried to refute my argument that a basketball game should consist of sending the teams out on a 4-mile run, then bring them back and have them engage in a 2-minute flurry of elbowing each other and shooting free throws. People have tried to insist that the first 38 minutes of any given basketball game matter. Then we go to the pit. And guess what? We get a tie score with 2 minutes left, and a flurry of elbowing each other and shooting free throws.

If baseball should only be three innings, those three innings should be the 5th 6th and 7th. The first four are necessary because they create the difference in pitcher stamina in the next three which sets up the moxie of the last two.

aztecskin · March 13, 2009

Many times, people have tried to refute my argument that a basketball game should consist of sending the teams out on a 4-mile run, then bring them back and have them engage in a 2-minute flurry of elbowing each other and shooting free throws. People have tried to insist that the first 38 minutes of any given basketball game matter. Then we go to the pit. And guess what? We get a tie score with 2 minutes left, and a flurry of elbowing each other and shooting free throws.
If baseball should only be three innings, those three innings should be the 5th 6th and 7th. The first four are necessary because they create the difference in pitcher stamina in the next three which sets up the moxie of the last two.

Or have subs limited. So when the pitcher gets tired, he has to play left field and the LF has to pitch.

I don't mind 12- 15 run games.

oldguystudent · March 13, 2009

Or have subs limited. So when the pitcher gets tired, he has to play left field and the LF has to pitch.
I don't mind 12- 15 run games.

There technically are no subs in baseball -- only replacements. One you leave a game, you can't come back. Also, the manager can only come to the mound once before he is required to take out the pitcher. Really adds to the strategy, but I do admit it slows things down for the casual fan. You don't really want position players trying to pitch anyways. Remember the fiasco when Jose Canseco tried to do it in Texas?

aztecskin · March 13, 2009

There technically are no subs in baseball -- only replacements. One you leave a game, you can't come back. Also, the manager can only come to the mound once before he is required to take out the pitcher. Really adds to the strategy, but I do admit it slows things down for the casual fan. You don't really want position players trying to pitch anyways. Remember the fiasco when Jose Canseco tried to do it in Texas?

Yeah. I know all that. But what happens is that a team replaces a pitcher with a pitcher. Now, other than the Rangers (who like to give up runs right away) scoring doesn't start usually until the pitcher is tired. A guy doesn't really start running outta gas until the 6th or 7th, like you were saying. So, instead of bringing in a fresh guy they should have to either stick with him until the 9th (where we would allow a replacement-sub-guy). If he really doesn't have it, then they would have to just bring in a position guy.

I know now-a-days most guys can't pitch worth a crap, but it would definitely make things more interesting. For me. haha.

March 13, 2009

But baseball is the only sport that has the old-ass bald (or gray) managers wearing jerseys. Why don't the coaches the NBA wear a jersey? Pure clown-dom wearing jerseys. When Pedro shoved the former Cubs coach (I forget his name) to the ground... All I was thinking was 1. Please don't break a hip. 2. Why is that old man wearing a jersey? Seriously.

eulessismore · March 14, 2009

As long as we're dissing sports, and awaiting KRAM's inevitable statement that baseball is just a bunch of guys standing around, I'll really stir the pot and say that the only two things in the world more boring to watch than soccer are golf and NASCAR.

I've wondered about Nascar...do guys just watch that and talk about it at work next week because they think it seems manly (I've noticed a lack of interest since our one biggest fan retired)? What about bowling as a televised sport? And what about those tennis fans shown on television moving their heads back and forth; do people watching tennis on television do the same thing?

UNTflyer · March 14, 2009

The following cannot be classified as "sports":

Bowling

Golf

NASCAR (or any other "motor sport")

Billiards

Darts

Poker

Rodeo

Fishing

X-Games

The National Spelling Bee

The Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Competition

...and hence all of these events should be forever banished from ESPN.

Edited March 14, 2009 by UNTflyer

aztecskin · March 14, 2009

The following cannot be classified as "sports":
Bowling
Golf
NASCAR (or any other "motor sport")
Billiards
Darts
Poker
Rodeo
Fishing
X-Games
The National Spelling Bee
The Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Competition
...and hence all of these events should be forever banished from ESPN.

Dude, for real. I agree with this entire list. NASCAR is popular because its an event. Its something to do. I have worked concessions at TMS and when its over, you can't tell who won the race! Its just something to drink and eat and conversate at. All that is cool, but does not a sport make.

As for Bowling, Billiards, Darts, Poker, those are GAMES.

X-Games are judged like Ice Skating, Diving etc. I think anything whereby you must rely on a third party for scoring is flawed.

Spelling Bee, Hot Dog Competition= All sports are competitions, all competitions are not sports.

UNTFan23 · March 14, 2009

The following cannot be classified as "sports":
Bowling
Golf
NASCAR (or any other "motor sport")
Billiards
Darts
Poker
Rodeo
Fishing
X-Games
The National Spelling Bee
The Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Competition
...and hence all of these events should be forever banished from ESPN.

Hey. Hey. I like watching the WSOP on ESPN. :angry:

Coffee and TV · March 14, 2009

The following cannot be classified as "sports":
Golf
NASCAR (or any other "motor sport")
Rodeo
X-Games

The ones I pulled out here require a great amount of athletic ability. Golf not a lot to play, but to achieve any sort of greatness. Sure I don't like watching NASCAR or Rodeo, but some of those guys are better athletes than baseball or football players.

KRAM1 · March 15, 2009

Haha.
no but really, NASCAR is really boring.
and so is golf. like REALLY.
And baseball should only be three innings, because those are the most interesting.

So, here you go...Above comments are PRICELESS! Thank you Aztecskin! As for golf...that's a players game. Even folks who love to play it ca get bored watching on TV. And, try to explain to you non-glof playing wife why you think it is importantant to watch every second you can of the Master's and Open, etc.

LOVE ABSOLUTELY LOVE the idea that baseball should only be three innings, but even in three innings you would have 90% Standing around"...you just wouldn't have to sit through it for 3 1/2 hours or so.

OK, yes, the comment of soccer being "liberal" hurt...so wrong, but who cares! It is, however, amusing to watch old fat bald guys run around in baseball uniforms. Today's DMN says it's a "rule" dating back to when managers were often also players or something like that. Good grief...that is so "yesterday". Can we not change this rule for the sake of "eyesight" all over the US?

Oh, yes, forgot...GREAT GAME against Puerto Rico yesterday, USA! Had to call in the "mercy rule"! :lol:

yyz28 · March 16, 2009

I want to see anyone who's dumping on motorsports after they've taken a 5000HP dragster down the strip in 3 seconds at 300 MPH.

...most of you would black out and not be able to get out of the car.

LOL!

Are they sports in the true sence of the word? NO... I agree. ...but don't assume professional race car drivers aren't well conditioned athletes.

...and if you don't know who won a NASCAR race you are watching, you weren't watching it.

forevereagle · March 16, 2009

We can even talk with our hands. Have you ever seen a deaf person trying to talk with their feet?

Is it wrong that this statement made me think of an ultimate irony? A deaf person with no arms. Made me laugh just a little.

forevereagle · March 16, 2009

I want to see anyone who's dumping on motorsports after they've taken a 5000HP dragster down the strip in 3 seconds at 300 MPH.
...most of you would black out and not be able to get out of the car.
LOL!
Are they sports in the true sence of the word? NO... I agree. ...but don't assume professional race car drivers aren't well conditioned athletes.
...and if you don't know who won a NASCAR race you are watching, you weren't watching it.

I dont think NASCAR is a sport. When I take a long road trip, I don't call myself a sportsman. And I even get out of the car and pump my own gas.