To: All Company Employees

DeepGreen · October 30, 2008

Notice to All Employees

As of November 5, 2008, when President Obama is officially elected into office, our company will instill a few new policies which are in keeping with his new, inspiring issues of change and fairness:

1. All salespeople will be pooling their sales bonuses into a common pool that will be divided equally between all of you. This will serve to give those of you who are underachieving a 'fair shake.'

2. All low level workers will be pooling their wages, including overtime, into a common pool, dividing it equally amongst yourselves. This will help those who are 'too busy for overtime' to reap the rewards from those who have more spare time and can work extra hours.

3. All top management will now be referred to as 'the government.' We will not participate in this 'pooling' experience because the law doesn't apply to us.

4. The 'government' will give eloquent speeches to all employees every week, encouraging its workers to continue to work hard 'for the good of all.'

5. The employees will be thrilled with these new policies because it's 'good to spread the wealth.' Those of you who have underachieved will finally get an opportunity; those of you who have worked hard and had success will feel more 'patriotic.'

6. The last few people who were hired should clean out their desks. Don't feel bad though, because President Obama will give you free healthcare, free handouts, free oil for heating your home, free food stamps, and he'll let you stay in your home for as long as you want even if you can't pay your mortgage. If you appeal directly to our democratic congress, you might even get a free flat screen TV and a coupon for free haircuts (shouldn't all Americans be entitled to nice looking hair?) !!!

If for any reason you are not happy with the new policies, you may want to rethink your vote on November 4th.

emmitt01 · October 30, 2008

Please also see our earlier memo entitled "Scare tactics, hyperbole and you"

meangreendork · October 30, 2008

Please also see our earlier memo entitled "Scare tactics, hyperbole and you"

DeepGreen forgot to mention Obama's a Nazi-Muslim-Communist, and will have everyone summarily executed after having their wealth spread around.

KRAM1 · October 30, 2008

How about grade re-distribution.....Since students who have worked their rear ends off to do the work and make A's and B's, and since C is a passing grade...the A & B students certainly do not need the extra grade they made above C. So, like the re-distribution of wealth under Mr. Obama, let's take a grade or two away from the students who actually earned the grades and re-distribute the "extra" to those students who were unable or unwilling or too lazy to earn passing grades! Man, sounds great to me...who needs anything above the passing "C" anyway? Just extra and no one should be allowed to keep the "extra" they have earned by actually working hard! Let's redistribute the grade wealth!!!!!

Yep, would make me want to go out and work hard to make those A's and B's just so I can give some of the GPA to those who didn't!!!!! GREAT idea, right?

GoMeanGreen1999 · October 30, 2008

Notice to All Employees
As of November 5, 2008, when President Obama is officially elected into office, our company will instill a few new policies which are in keeping with his new, inspiring issues of change and fairness:
1. All salespeople will be pooling their sales bonuses into a common pool that will be divided equally between all of you. This will serve to give those of you who are underachieving a 'fair shake.'
2. All low level workers will be pooling their wages, including overtime, into a common pool, dividing it equally amongst yourselves. This will help those who are 'too busy for overtime' to reap the rewards from those who have more spare time and can work extra hours.
3. All top management will now be referred to as 'the government.' We will not participate in this 'pooling' experience because the law doesn't apply to us.
4. The 'government' will give eloquent speeches to all employees every week, encouraging its workers to continue to work hard 'for the good of all.'
5. The employees will be thrilled with these new policies because it's 'good to spread the wealth.' Those of you who have underachieved will finally get an opportunity; those of you who have worked hard and had success will feel more 'patriotic.'
6. The last few people who were hired should clean out their desks. Don't feel bad though, because President Obama will give you free healthcare, free handouts, free oil for heating your home, free food stamps, and he'll let you stay in your home for as long as you want even if you can't pay your mortgage. If you appeal directly to our democratic congress, you might even get a free flat screen TV and a coupon for free haircuts (shouldn't all Americans be entitled to nice looking hair?) !!!
If for any reason you are not happy with the new policies, you may want to rethink your vote on November 4th.

I am telling you right now Deep, Obama is going to help out with our football team. Consider this, at the break of the Rice game, as per Obama's way of governing, we would have at least had a fighting change to come back and win against Rice. Frankly the worse we would be at this point in the season is 3 or 4 wins.

Green Mean · October 30, 2008

DeepGreen forgot to mention Obama's a Nazi-Muslim-Communist, and will have everyone summarily executed after having their wealth spread around.

I'm sure you know he's not Muslim. If he was then it's no big deal either way.

meangreendork · October 30, 2008

I'm sure you know he's not Muslim. If he was then it's no big deal either way.

Okay, fine, Nazi-Communist. Hey, whatever we gotta say to get fear and hate and ignorance going, right?

Edited October 30, 2008 by meangreendork

Green Mean · October 30, 2008

Okay, fine, Nazi-Communist. Hey, whatever we gotta say to get fear and hate and ignorance going, right?

Absolutely gagree.

The Fake Lonnie Finch · October 30, 2008

Good post, Deep.

We'll either do one of two things to avoid the proposed surtaxes on business if they pass:

(1) Lay off the number of employees it takes to get below the threshold, or

(2) Just lay everyone off and hire them back as contract labor with no benefits at all.

emmitt01 · October 30, 2008

Yay! We are now only one step away from the "I don't want to give my money to poor, lazy minorities" threshold.

Please vote the straight Republican ticket.

DeepGreen · October 30, 2008

Please vote the straight Republican ticket.

I did.

FirefightnRick · October 30, 2008

Yay! We are now only one step away from the "I don't want to give my money to poor, lazy minorities" threshold.
Please vote the straight Republican ticket.

Come on E. I know you don't believe in Obama's policy's man. I know you don't. Regardless of hs terrible tax plans, his admitted spite for this country and extremely questionable associations, tell me you don't believe in his extreme stance on Abortion and infanticide? Those are not scare tactics dude. Those are facts. He has already gone on record that he will sign the Freedom of Choice Act and has proven on what side of the aisle he stands on in regard to abortion.

The man is NOT who he say's he is. Never has a politician had to distance himself from so many members of his past to try and get elected. He's spent around $300 Million in ad space alone to buy this election and yet he only holds a 2 to 4 point lead.

I don't think any of us wanted McCain back in the spring. I didn't. But please think about what an Obama presidency will do to this great country. His infomercial last night was discusting in that it went to such extremes to paint this country as bad, having one family who is experiencing hard times to state that their grandfathers had it better than we do today? Their grandfathers, who after surviving 33% unemployment rate during the depression had to go overseas and fight Nazi fascism? And those times were better than they are today?

Come on, think before you vote, please.

Rick

Edited October 30, 2008 by FirefightnRick

SUMG · October 30, 2008

Please vote the straight Republican ticket.

I've got to be honest with you. I didn't even inquire about the sexual orientations of the Republicans I voted for.

DeepGreen · October 30, 2008

How about grade re-distribution.....Since students who have worked their rear ends off to do the work and make A's and B's, and since C is a passing grade...the A & B students certainly do not need the extra grade they made above C. So, like the re-distribution of wealth under Mr. Obama, let's take a grade or two away from the students who actually earned the grades and re-distribute the "extra" to those students who were unable or unwilling or too lazy to earn passing grades! Man, sounds great to me...who needs anything above the passing "C" anyway? Just extra and no one should be allowed to keep the "extra" they have earned by actually working hard! Let's redistribute the grade wealth!!!!!
Yep, would make me want to go out and work hard to make those A's and B's just so I can give some of the GPA to those who didn't!!!!! GREAT idea, right?

That has been going on in education for many years. It's called "the dumbing down of America".

DeepGreen · October 30, 2008

Good post, Deep.
We'll either do one of two things to avoid the proposed surtaxes on business if they pass:
(1) Lay off the number of employees it takes to get below the threshold, or
(2) Just lay everyone off and hire them back as contract labor with no benefits at all.

Exactly! Just use the WalMart model. Contract labor and an all part-time labor force.

Even better, sell your company and say, "screw it".

forevereagle · October 30, 2008

The man is NOT who he say's he is.

And McCain is? No politician is who they say they are. We have Senators getting jail time for lying, arrested in airport bathrooms, soliciting sex from prostitutes, committing lewd acts in the oval office, having extra-marital affairs, etc. I don't think any of these politicians ran under the slogan "Vote for me, I'm the bigger scumbag." They are ALL liars and none of them are who they claim to be. To say that about one candidate and not the other is just not showing the whole picture.

Edited October 30, 2008 by forevereagle

DeepGreen · October 30, 2008

And McCain is? No politician is who they say they are. We have Senators getting jail time for lying, arrested in airport bathrooms, soliciting sex from prostitutes, committing lewd acts in the oval office, having extra-marital affairs, etc. I don't think any of these politicians ran under the slogan "Vote for me, I'm the bigger scumbag." They are ALL liars and none of them are who they claim to be. To say that about one candidate and not the other is just not showing the whole picture.

You are so right. No wonder so many people want to make it to the highest level of public office. Senators, Congressmen, State Reps, etc.

JayDub · October 30, 2008

The man is NOT who he say's he is.

While I agree with forevereagle's comments...I must ask this question: Do you know either candidate personally? I'm going to guess you don't...thus, how can you make such a statement with such surety when all you know of either candidate is what you see and read in the news? Just curious if you know something we don't? It's one thing to suspect certain things about certain people...but to say so with such certainty is what bothers me about the anti-Obama folks.

Every living soul has a certain persona they take on in the public eye...anyone who tells you they don't is a liar. I mean, based on this logic and based on what I know about you, I could assume that you wear a fire helmet painted in a NT helmet scheme 24/7. It doesn't mean they are hiding anything bad...

Just sayin'.

Edited October 30, 2008 by JayDub

SUMG · October 30, 2008

Two words: Term limits.

Edited October 30, 2008 by SUMG

JayDub · October 30, 2008

Two words: Term limits.
Or maybe that's three words, if you're Joe Biden. Or four. Or one.

If the Senate needs anything...it's THAT. Then your career politicians like Ted Stevens and Ted Kennedy would disappear.

And Biden would say it's 3 words.

Edited October 30, 2008 by JayDub

SilverEagle · October 30, 2008

Come on, think before you vote, please.
Rick

Unlike every voter who's been frightened into voting for Alfred e. Newman for the last two elections, I plan on doing just that THINKING BEFORE I VOTE.

DeepGreen · October 30, 2008

Unlike every voter who's been frightened into voting for Alfred e. Newman for the last two elections, I plan on doing just that THINKING BEFORE I VOTE.

While W has performed poorly on the domestic front for the past 8 years, I would still entrust him to protect my country and my freedoms before handing it over to Barack (Dumbo the Elephant*) Hussein Obama.

*Reference is to Obama's ears. Full discloser from DeepGreen.

ADLER · October 30, 2008

I was leaning towards voting for Obama but I do believe that McCain's recently revised economic recovery plan has the potential to be incredibly beneficial to many, many Americans. This is what he had to say today:

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ADLER · October 30, 2008

This has been a hard fought campaign. McCain did a fine job handling this ordeal recently in Pennsylvania.

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UNTFan23 · October 30, 2008

Exactly! Just use the WalMart model. Contract labor and an all part-time labor force.

What part(s) of Walmart uses contract labor? Also, Walmart is not all part-time. In fact, the majority of people working for Walmart are full-time.