Bizarre Question Of Romance

[JesseMartin]

I haven't thought about this for FOREVER! I just sent my wife flowers, to be delivered at work, and remembered something WEIRD from my first marriage...so, as a form of both levity and distraction from the Tulsa game, I thought getting a little bit of "dude perspective" on a long-past (I think) strange experience might be fun. Trust me, the story gets funnier and weirder as it goes on. Here goes...

She (the ex back in the day) was telling me about a conversation she had with her co-workers, about how I was supposedly "romantic" but she never got flowers. Now, regardless of anything else they can say about me, any girl who's been in an actual relationship with me would (if being honest) tell you that it's rare for her to NOT come home to fresh flowers. I pointed this out...that I had bought her flowers about once a week since we met.

Oh, she had to change her reasoning. It doesn't matter, as she educated me, if the guy buys flowers. No, the only time it "counts" is if they are DELIVERED. She has to get them at work, or in class, etc., so that she can enjoy the envy of all those around her. She then related a story about how she was the belle of the ball because, when she was in high school, during one of those "buy a flower anonymously" things, she got a whole bunch of flowers and everybody thought she was sooooo great.

So what the heck else would you do? I think that was an obvious enough hint. So I had a dozen roses sent to her office the next day. We still shared a lease, but I was living in my own place with about half of my stuff at the time. She "wanted to talk" and had me meet her outside of the apartment. As I parked, lo!, there were a dozen yellow roses strewn about in the parking lot. We lived about 20 feet from the office. Hmmm....I asked her what the hell was going on, why she would ask me over and throw that in my face...you get the idea.

Here's the kicker. She swore the flowers weren't hers. I, of course, asked, "You mean I should believe that someone else in a 20-50 foot radius got a dozen yellow roses today and threw them in the parking lot in front of our apartment?" She told me that I should, and that there should be no reason for me not to believe her. I told her if she was being honest, then she should let me see the ones I sent her.

She retaliated by saying that they were still in her office (about 20 feet away). She didn't want to go there to get them, because she'd have to unlock the door. 20 feet of walking and using a key.

The argument just went around and around like that until she came to the usual conclusion that I was being "unreasonable", "crazy", "paranoid"...and was angry that I would even question her about it.

7 years later, after a LONG time not thinking about it, I still see it the same way: Crazy girl wants everybody to SEE her getting all the flowers bought for her, then wants to piss the guy off, throws them on the ground in front of their apartment, and calls him to "come over and talk", so she can make a scene, then changes her mind and holds firm to the belief that someone in the same (small) apartment building, on the same side of the building, had an identical bouquet, though she refuses to produce the ones sent to her.

I bet we could have some fun putting up more of these. I've heard (and lived) some real doozies in my time, but the "stuff my crazy ex did" stories never seem to get old...or unfunny.

-J

ps-If I get a similar reaction this time, I'm joining the priesthood (especially since there are no problems in the current relationship).