The Police Files

[Guest 97and03]

Well, Ralph Was Able to Punch Alice to There

Cop: I won't issue you a summons if you can answer this question correctly... What's closer to New York, Italy or the moon? I'll give you a hint. You can see the moon.

Perp: Ummm... the moon!

--Brownsville, Brooklyn

Overheard by: po-pos do give 2nd chances

But Now It's a Box of Parts on Their Way to Mexico

Cop, taking report of stolen car: Ok, what was the color, make and model?

Metro Guy: It's cranberry and...

Cop: Cranberry's something you eat, son, your car was red.

--L.I.C.

Overheard by: Jatmos

Edited May 23, 2008 by 97and03

[SUMG]

Just to let you know, there's some wacky sh!t happening in Ft. Worth, too:

http://www.dentonrc.com/sharedcontent/dws/...h.1fa236a5.html

[SilverEagle]

Just to let you know, there's some wacky sh!t happening in Ft. Worth, too:

http://www.dentonrc.com/sharedcontent/dws/...h.1fa236a5.html

"My mom is a good Christian woman, an upstanding citizen and church member for many, many years," Ms. Robinson said.

Exchange "Man" for "woman" and I can't tell you the number of times that CPS has heard that when we are investigating child sexual abuse cases. In fact, when people blurt that out, it usually convinces the CPS investigator that the accused is definitely guilty.

Since we are telling crazy client stories, here is one that gives you an insight into the thought processes of a sex offender. This happened many years ago, but it's still funny.....and at the same time very scary.

CPS was investigating a sexual abuse case, and as part of the planning process for the case, the accused was sent to a psychologist for testing. This particular psychologist had once been a CPS investigator and had pretty much "seen it all" professionally. However, she couldn't help but share this with the group that had gathered later to review her findings.

She gave this accused perpetrator a full battery of psychological tests, including what was then called the Rorschach or "Ink blot" test. This involves looking at random ink blot patterns/images and telling the psychologist what you see. Well, what this guy saw shocked even this experienced psychologist/former CPS investigator. Everything, was sex and violence......in very shocking (and disturbing) details. So when the psychologist sat down with the client, and interpreted the various battery of tests to him, she saved the Rorschach test for the last. She repeated all of his responses back to him, and then said to him that she was very concerned about these images of sex and violence that he saw on the pages. His response?

"Well hell lady, they're your dirty pictures".

This is just a small sample of the thought process (if you can call it that) that goes on with most of the people that Emmitt has to deal with.

[emmitt01]

And we're back. Sorry ladies and gents (those of you taking the time to read my ramblings at least) for the long hiatus but I'm back with more "episodes" for your consumption.

Our first story takes us back about three weeks and will explain to you why, in all but a few select cases, I hate security guards. Rent-a-cop, golf cart police, *"but for" cops, whichever term you choose many are like the gentleman I'm about to describe. We got a call involving a signal 33, a prostitute, at a craptacular apartment complex off of Ferguson. The comments say that a local prostitute is at the location refusing to leave. Mind you the call was about an hour and half old when we got it. We pulled up looking for the "security guard" and a guy in a t-shirt and blue jeans walked up to our car identifying himself as security. He tells us that he was told by another officer (I don't remember who he name dropped) to dial 911 when this particular prostitute was out walking around and he dutifully did so on this particular evening...you know, cuz he's a crime fighter. He stopped this woman and handcuffed her for "public intoxication" so that she would be waiting when we got there. Apparently, though, her boyfriend walked up soon thereafter and the security guard ran to his car to get his big stick. While his head was turned THE PROSTITUTE RAN AWAY IN HIS HANDCUFFS. I told him, between chuckles, that we would be glad to do a theft report on his stolen handcuffs. He said not to bother because..........wait for it..............she came back 10 minutes later and handed him his handcuffs. Yes, you read that correctly...the security guard was made this prostitute's bitch. Quite the irony.

This next one takes us back to last week and still has me fuming.

To tell this story let me give you a little background. In August of 2006 I responded to a suspicious person call in the Cedar Springs area where I was working. The manager called to report that three unknown white males were in a vacant apartment upstairs. When we got there we found three guys sitting on a mattress in a trashed out apartment. Two of them had warrants and the other claimed to be a former resident who had moved to another apartment with his boyfriend. He said he was back to "collect the rest of his belongings." There was nothing in this apartment worth collecting. No u-haul truck, no bags, no dolly...just him and two other dudes sitting on a mattress amongst some trash. Anyway next to the guy is a backpack. I asked who it belonged to and nobody wanted to claim it. So I opened it up and found a black thermos...and inside of the thermos was 26.1 grams of crystal methamphetamine (about $25,000 street value). Also inside of this bag was a disposable camera, power cords and a usb cord (which fit a laptop found in the van they arrived in and that this guy claimed). On this disposable camera were about 15 pictures...14 of this guy with several looking like he took the picture himself, and one of his boyfriend. So let's recap the evidence:

-His apartment...he's the only one with a key

-Backpack right next to where he was seated

-Disposable camera with pictures of him exclusively

-Power cords to a laptop he claims ownership of

Everyone still with me? Good. Now let me tell you what happened at trial last week. I spent 3 days in court and was put on the stand 3 different times. While on the stand I was asked by the defense attorney if I fingerprinted the thermos, the drugs, or the backpack. Yes, he asked if I tried to get fingerprints off of a nylon backpack! Well, I didn't try to get fingerprints because we don't usually do so in dope cases and because the guy was caught dead to rights. Then the defense attorney asks me if I read the guy his Miranda rights when he was placed under arrest. I explained to him that Miranda only applies in cases of a custodial interview or an interrogation and this guy wasn't questioned in any capacity. He asked me about Miranda at least once in each of the times I took the stand. I was wondering why he was an idiot and asked the same questions over and over. That is until the verdict came down. The jury retired to deliberate and, after 4 hours, was hung with 10 voting for not guilty and the other 2 for guilty. Eventually the 2 dissenting votes caved in and the guy was found not guilty. Their explanation for this verdict...........wait for it.................wait for it......................"despite the evidence they were presented, they didn't think I had done a thorough enough investigation because every time they'd seen someone arrested someone collected physical evidence and read them their rights." When the prosecutor asked when they had seen someone arrested before one of the answered all the time on Law and Order or CSI. Mean Green nation, the court system is broken.

Want more? I'll give you more. Tuesday night a fellow officer and friend of mine called us over to his traffic stop location (on the same street where the 4th grade teacher I mentioned a while back was arrested) to field test some dope. He tells me that he pulled this guy over for running a stop sign and that when he approached the vehicle and shined his light inside he noticed that they guy had tried to stuff three baggies of crack into the air conditioning vent nearest the driver's door. Unfortunately, for him, bright blue plastic baggies don't blend well with black plastic.

I can't make this stuff up.

*The term "'but for' cops" is one that several us came up with because every time we talk to a security guard they tell us that they would be police officers too "but for" something. "But for" their felony conviction, "but for" failing the psych evaluation, "but for" failing the physical, etc.

Edited June 21, 2008 by emmitt01

[UNTflyer]

I amazed that a jury let this creep go because of what they see on fictional television cop shows. Cops aren't required to read Miranda on a simple arrest, only if the suspect is questioned.

[emmitt01]

I amazed that a jury let this creep go because of what they see on fictional television cop shows. Cops aren't required to read Miranda on a simple arrest, only if the suspect is questioned.

Thank you for reiterating what I just wrote.

Edited June 21, 2008 by emmitt01

[UNTflyer]

Thank you for reiterating what I just wrote.

It can be repeated 1000 times, people still wouldn't get it.

[SilverEagle]

Why didn't the prosecuter see what the defense attorney was trying to do, and "educate" the Jury while delivering his/her closing remarks. Especially since the defense attorney asked you three times about "miranda". Maybe the prosecuter thought that your comments about the law were sufficient, but (IMHO)the jury needed to hear it from an attorney.

Edited June 21, 2008 by SilverEagle

[emmitt01]

Why didn't the prosecuter see what the defense attorney was trying to do, and "educate" the Jury while delivering his/her closing remarks. Especially since the defense attorney asked you three times about "miranda". Maybe the prosecuter thought that your comments about the law were sufficient, but (IMHO)the jury needed to hear it from an attorney.

I thought the exact same thing. It would have been as easy and a few questions during redirect.

DA: Officer is it common practice for you to mirandize arrestees?

Me: No

DA: And why is that?

Me: Because I don't conduct custodial interviews of them. I don't do any form of formal (or informal for that matter) questioning.

DA: So unless they are being interrogated or interviewed Miranda actually doesn't even come into play?

Me: Correct

DA: And this would be true of any police officer, correct?

Me: Yes

[Got5onIt]

Great stuff!

My wife worked for CPS for a few years, so I've heard my share of sick/weird stuff.

[Monkeypox]

A few months ago, I got pulled over around midnight for "signaling too late". The officer didn't even try to hide the fact that he was hunting for drunk drivers, but he quickly let me go after I truthfully told him that I just came from a Christian rock concert and offered to show him the ticket stub. He was pretty nice about it and I'm glad there out there watching for it.

Yeah, my brother is a cop in Cleburne and we talk about this because I'm a late night driver and I get pulled over a LOT but I've only had one ticket in my entire life. 99.99% of the time you get pulled over for some tiny bulls**t late at night because they're LOOKING for something else. This is actually a way that leads to a lot of arrests for guns, drugs, assault, etc. for the police. One time, when I was moving to Los Angeles, I got pulled over TWICE in a span of 20 minutes out in West Texas. My two speeds were 74 in a 65 and 69 in a 65 (yes, 69 in a 65). They weren't trying to mess me over for speeding. They saw a guy with a ton of junk in his car at 3am in the middle of nowhere West Texas, and thought they'd take a look. These stops cost you like 30 seconds, but I can't tell you the number of times my brother has put serious criminals away by stopping them for not signalling or illegal u-turns at 3am.

[UNTFan23]

"despite the evidence they were presented, they didn't think I had done a thorough enough investigation because every time they'd seen someone arrested someone collected physical evidence and read them their rights."

You didn't do a thorough enough investigation by not reading him the Miranda rights?

[emmitt01]

Alright, new stuff.

First off, I just had to throw out there that I went and bought a pair of green handcuffs. Now persons who are arrested by yours truly go to jail "courtesy" of the Mean Green. Alright, now let's tell you a few stories from my last week of work.

On Monday I responded to a call of a stabbing. When I got there the ambulance driver told me that they were about to transport a male to Baylor for stab wounds to the neck. Don't know why they weren't going to Presby or Methodist which are much closer but I digress. Anyway, we make it down to Baylor and I interviewed the guy about what happened. He says that he was walking into his apartment and that he was approached from behind by an unknown male who took his wallet and stabbed him several times. He had stab wounds to his neck, stomach and upper chest. I asked what this robber looked like and he said that he didn't know. Didn't know what race he was, if he was fat or skinny, tall or short. In my years of law enforcement never have I run across a victim, who wasn't dead, that knew less about their attacker...so I knew this guy was lying. I asked him for his name and date of birth and he gave me one. Also stated he had a valid TX ID. I went out to the car to check him and found that no identification exists under this name and date of birth. I also found a message on my MDT that said "Female caller states that she stabbed your complainant because he hit her and broke her jaw." So I go back inside and tell this guy that I know he's lying about his name and that we have now heard from his girlfriend. He tells me that he doesn't know who this lady is and that he wants to leave. He then tells the doctors that he is fine and doesn't want treatment. Even signs an AMA form. (Against medical advice) Remember this particular part of the story boys and girls because it'll be imporant later on. I told him that if he wanted to refuse medical attention that was his perogative but that he wasn't going anywhere so he might as well grab a coke and get comfy. He says that the name he gave me is his real name and that if I don't believe him I can ask him mother...even gave me her phone number. So I call "mom" (it's 1:00am) and the lady who answers the phone says she's never heard of this guy and hangs up. I called her back identifying myself as the police (sometimes people won't admit to knowing someone if they think you're a bill collecter or other unsavory person) and tell her I have her son detained. She reiterates that she has no idea who this dude is. He had me call a random old lady in the middle of the night. Now I'm truly pissed off and tell the guy that I don't have the time to waste so he might as well come clean. He says "You really want to know what's going on?" Gee, dumbass, no I don't...I enjoy playing guessing games! He tells me that he and his girlfriend had an argument and that she hit him with a glass elephant. He slapped her but says her jaw was already broken (gee, I wonder how). She then picked up a knife and commenced to stabbing. Ok, mystery #1 cleared up but we still don't know his name. After some light persuasion we come to an understanding and he gives me his real name. I do a subject check and it turns out he's got a probation violation. We leave Baylor and start to head toward Lew Sterrett. En route to jail he says "I've changed my mind, I want to be treated. I think I'm bleeding to death." I took him to jail anyway. When we get to jail, though, the nurses there tell me he has to go to Parkland even though he has already refused treatment at another hospital. So we take him to Parkland to get stitches. They admitted him! Dallas PD got to sit with this guy until 2:45pm the next day so that he could be taken back to jail.

12 hours of police manpower.

Medical care at a hospital.

Cost to this shithead = $0

Who says there is no free healthcare in America?

Did I mention that the car I drove that night was one that had been recently wrecked? They did all of the necessary body work to make it look serviceable again but failed to fix the front left axle that was on the verge of snapping...glad I drove it at about 110 that night.

Story number two is actually more funny than anything but it bears telling. I got a call on Thursday night concerning a panhandler sitting outside of an emergency veterinary hospital on Greenville. The call was an hour old when I got it. So I drive over there and find the guy, just as they stated, sitting on a bench. I ask him for his ID and he gives me his TDCJ card. I went inside the vet clinic and asked the lady how long he had been out there and what he was doing. She says that he was begging people for money as they brought their sick animals in. She told him she was calling the police and he wouldn't budge. Turns out this guy has a parole violation warrant! So, yes, a parolee sat on a bench for an hour knowing that the police were coming. Some people just plain deserve jail.

[Kelly Green]

Your stories have made the last part of my incredibly boring day at work SO much better. Thanks!

Edited August 21, 2008 by Kelly Green

[KingDL1]

Emmitt Do you have anymore stories in you?

Always good stuff!

[JesseMartin]

I just caught these, as you posted them while I was still offline. I agree...more would be fun...unless the PD told you to stop or something.

Emmitt's always been one of the few who can tell stories (not just the police kind) and not make you want to check your watch while you're listening...I think we all have friends that make us wish we were somewhere else mid-story.