My Day On Saturday

[bigrobdsp]

I have replaced all names with the word "Name" and "My Wife" to protect the innocent.

Its two days later and I still think I might throw up at any moment. If you missed me on Saturday, too bad for you. here is what happened as I remember it:

10:40am

Denton is way further than I remember it being. I showed up at the fraternity house and was reminded how much old men like to hear themselves talk.

1:00pm

We got to the tailgate. I was pleasantly surprised to see the quality of the tailgate. I had just ("naturally") assumed that since I hadn't been there to get things going in a while, what with the baby and all, that every one just kind of sat there and waited on me to show up and grant them fun.

1:05pm

Did you know that "Name" has a customized golf cart? More importantly did you know that security doesn't care what you do if you are in a golf cart? and even more important than that, did you know that the stadium has a "golf cart entrance"? No b.s. Me and "Name" made it to the 50 yard line and downed a few beers. Security just waived us through. I cant even believe that I gave the golf cart back.

2:00pm

I made the snap decision that the littlest "Name" (A freinds Kid) and the littlest "Name" (My Kid) deserved to be in the parade. They were a big hit and had fun being paid attention to by hundreds of people. That thirst for attention must come from their mothers side...

2:15pm - 6:30pm

I am not really sure. Any help would be appreciated...

6:31pm

(My Wife) is yelling at me and asking where I disappeared to for the last few hours. Please see above for explanation... At this point I was tricked into getting into a car with her. I didnt realize that I was not being allowed to go to the actual game untill about 4 hours later at which point the game was already over. I am not quite over missing it yet, but one day I am sure I will find forgivness in my heart

7:30pm

We eat some food and my memory returns a little. I know that I ordered like 3 pounds of chopped beef and "Name" ordered a half gallon of peach cobbler. I am pretty sure that this was the secret to my success the rest of the night

8:00pm

"My Wife" decides that I should just go to the bar. I find this to be agreeable. I think I am hanging out with "Name" and "Name", but I think I rode to the bar with "Name", Im not sure when I got passed off, but I ended up where I wanted to be. The Tavern was packed with all the usual suspects. I don't even think they let current students into those bars on homecoming unless they are ridiculously hot and in a sluty costume.

9:00pm

At this point in the night I know everyone I see and, more importantly, they all know me. I am a 7 on my awesome scale of 1-10. All the bars are one in - one out, but I decide that I want to go to Side Bar and have a shot. I see the line around Tavern and ask the door guy if he minds if I skip it on my way back in. He looks at me and says "For you Rob, there is no line" I go from a 7 to a 9 immediately. I walk down to Side Bar and they are 1 in 1 out. I have never seen the door guy before in my life, but he looks past the 10 or so people in front of me including 3 really hot girls in sluty Halloween costumes and says "Hey, aren't you Rob?", and motions me past the plebs. I am a 10 on my 1-10 scale of awesome. I go up to the bar and I have never seen the bartender in my life. He looks at me and says "ROB, I haven't seen you in forever", He knows that I drink Beer and Jager. I take my shot and drink half my beer. I asked him what I owed and he said "Its been years since I've seen you, these are on me." I am a 27 on a scale of 1-10. At this point I was far to important to talk to any of you. You are lucky that you weren't there as I would have most definitely looked over your shoulder for a mirror so I could keep my eyes on the most important thing in the room.

12:00 midnight

Super "Name" arrives. He has to stand in line like the rest of you. I walk past every line, as I am not one of you anymore. I am transcendent. I think I am made of cool itself... Super "Name" decided that he had to go to RBAR and see "Name". I finally talked him down from driving by offering to buy him a cab to take him there. Unfortunately Super "Name" is a slippery drunk and he escaped my clutches yet again. I cant believe he doesn't have like 10 DWI's and the blood of an innocent on his hands.

12:01am - 2:00am

I am not sure what I was doing, but I know that whoever I blessed with my presence will remember it for a lifetime

2:00am - 4:30am

I am in my element telling the (Young guys in my old fraternity) stories about how cool we were when we were here. One of them mentioned no drinking in the house (to those who dont know allot of the fraternity houses are dry these days) so I finished my beer and flung it at him. I opened another one and he didn't make the same mistake again.

some time between 6 and 7 am

I arrive at our hotel and disrobe. I think I kicked my child's porta crib like 5 times.

8:00am

I am awakened and I feel great. I have lost my underwear."My Wife" reminds me that I probably only quit drinking 45 minutes ago and that my hangover has not forgotten me, it just cant see me yet. does anyone know where the skin on my right hand and knuckles went? seriously, did I get in a fight??? I bet I kicked his a$$.

10:00am

I found out that Super "Name" never made it to RBAR, but was instead apprehended in the parking lot of Whataburger. Lucky for him that the Police finally realized he wasn't kidding when he told them, and I quote "I don't know why you are F-in with me, I own Denton B%$#es". I guess they were afraid they would loose their jobs if they messed with the owner of Denton, because they let someone come and get him. Maybe when I brushed past him in line some of my awesome rubbed off on him.

10:15am

I have to expel some gas, but I am still without underwear and afraid that I will mess my pants so I make "My Wife" pull over (since I am sure I am not yet legal to drive) and go to a bathroom in the gas station. everything worked out fine, but I was at a urinal and I lost my grip on my pants. I don't know if the guy walking into the bathroom was aware that there was an aquarium inside, but I do know that he got a great view of the rare and beautiful chocolate starfish. I was too embarrassed to look at him so I just pulled up my pants and left.

10:30am

I can tell my hangover will be here any moment... Sure enough it hit me like a sledge hammer to the face. "My Wife" tells me I deserve it. If she only knew how cool I was last night she would know that she is lucky just to be near me.

If you know of anything I missed please remind me, as I am sure that it was cool if I was involved...

[greenminer]

hmmm. great read, but a tint of "uh oh" in it regarding the Super individual.

How far from Denton are you? Is Homecoming the only game you could make (which you didn't make)?**

**edit

found Rockwall.

Edited October 29, 2007 by greenminer

[Eagle1855]

hell of a story. my day was quite the debaucherous mess as well. The only thing better than "falling asleep" sitting upright in a chair in the fraternity house is being the "old guy" who "fell asleep" sitting upright in a chair in the fraternity house. For the sins committed this past Saturday, I am no longer allowed to leave Houston for Denton without my better half/restrictor plate.

[Green Lantern]

2:00 - 4:30 am was my favorite part. "Good ole Days syndrome" and drinking in the dry house. Well played, sir.

[GreenBat]

What does this have to do wth North Texas Football?

[UNTLifer]

What does this have to do wth North Texas Football?

Homecoming

This made me laugh out loud:

I have to expel some gas, but I am still without underwear and afraid that I will mess my pants so I make "My Wife" pull over (since I am sure I am not yet legal to drive) and go to a bathroom in the gas station. everything worked out fine, but I was at a urinal and I lost my grip on my pants. I don't know if the guy walking into the bathroom was aware that there was an aquarium inside, but I do know that he got a great view of the rare and beautiful chocolate starfish. I was too embarrassed to look at him so I just pulled up my pants and left.

[EagleChick03]

That was the funniest post I have read in a long time!! What a perfect homecoming! hahahaha...my favorite part is how you didn't even make it to the game! Tavern was too crowded to even deal with but I'm sure you didn't even notice since you had already hit like 147 on your awesome scale at that point in the night or maybe you thought it was that crowded cause they were all there to see you in all your homecoming glory. Everyone should have a homecoming just that crazy every few years.

[UNT_92_Fan]

What does this have to do wth North Texas Football?

Here we go again...

Rob...

You might have been in the stages of not remembering people when we met but it was a pleasure metting you and aidin' in the drunkenness while you were at the tavern.

[bigrobdsp]

Here we go again...

Rob...

You might have been in the stages of not remembering people when we met but it was a pleasure metting you and aidin' in the drunkenness while you were at the tavern.

Of course I remember meeting you and enjoyed it. Everyone will be glad to know that I have just about fully recovered. How did I use to do this sort of thing every night? I must have been even better than I remember...

** To those who dont know me, I dont actually think this highly of myself.

***Unless I have been drinking.

****In which case I am probably justified

***** I Rule...