Espn.com

[UNTLifer]

A few of the good comments:

9:27: CBS declines to run a "notable alumni" graphic for UNLV after determining that nobody's ever actually graduated from UNLV.

9:29: Weirdest subplot of the 2007 tournament: An inordinate number of African-born players with African names that torture every play-by-play announcer. With the exception of BYU and Belmont, it seems like every team's had one so far. I mention this only because UNLV has a starting forward named Xrwtysgsgj Mndgagagagbke.

9:31: We switch to the beginning of North Texas-Memphis just in time to see the tipoff and hear Bill Raftery say, "North Texas starts out … inthemantaman!" I'm not kidding, there was legitimate rejoicing in the man-cave for that one.

"The Coach, Bill Raftery!" House exclaims! "I feel like the tournament has finally begun!"

9:33: Shocker of the day: John Calipari is a mustache away from looking like Nicholas Turturro during those last few years of "NYPD Blue" (when he was still on the show but carrying an extra 45 pounds). Do they have health clubs in Memphis?

[9:37: There's a forward on North Texas named Keith Wooden who's playing with a Schnozzaroo Mask and about 99 times less hype than Tyler Hansbrough receives for playing with the Schnozzarroo Mask.

/b]

9:47: House on Packer-Nantz vs. Raftery-Lundquist: "You know what the difference is between the broadcasts? Raftery and Lundquist actually like basketball." Hey, I didn't say it.

9:51: Raftery calls Memphis "one of the great spurt teams … they have the ability to just explode from behind." It's like he's deliberately trying to get me fired.

9:58: JackO's thoughts on the commercial with Dickie V and the Hooters waitresses: "I think that's the antidote for the Cialis commercial where they warn you about a four-hour erection."

10:00: Score updates: Virginia by 19, UNLV by 11, Memphis by one. Could there be an upset brewing with North Texas? Back in 90 minutes.

10:45: You know how some offenses have names, like Four Corners, Motion, Flex and so on? Here are the possible names for the offense G-Tech is running today: "Inertia" … "The Diarrhea Motion" … "One Dribbler, Four Watchers" … "Clogged Toilet" …

10:53: Craziest fact of the day: Did you know Rod Strickland is an assistant coach for Memphis? Did you ever think in a million years that ROD STRICKLAND would get into coaching? Do you think he's the first assistant to sit on the bench with a toothpick in his mouth?

12:00 p.m. PST: Here's our script for the next OnStar commercial: "Hey, I'm trying to find somebody's house ... it's a girl I just met online ... I need to get there soon because her parents are out for three hours ... I have a 12-pack and two joints with me ... can you use your satellite technology to make sure Chris Hansen isn't there?"

12:19: JackO finishes his food, sits back and says, "I just ate lunch and it actually had some vegetables in it. I can feel my blood circulating for the first time in 24 hours. It's a refreshing feeling."

12:21: Best porn names of the day: Tennessee forwards Duke Crews and Wayne Chism. "And Bruce Pearl isn't a bad porn director's name, either" House adds.

From Bruce Pearl Productions ... Duke Crews and Wayne Chism in "The Possession Arrow."

12:23: Upset alert: Texas A&M CC 10, Wisconsin 0. A potentially devastating sports week for the state of Wisconsin: The Bucks fire Terry Stotts and kill their Oden/Durant chances; Marquette nearly gets shut out in Round One; Andrew Bogut flips off the home crowd; the Packers might be dumb enough to trade for Randy Moss; and now, Wisconsin could lose as a No. 2 seed to a team that's been abbreviated as AM-CC on CBS's tiny scoreboard at the top of the screen.

12:25: Wisconsin still hasn't scored. Unbelievable. "I haven't seen this little scoring since I went out with the former BYU cheerleader I met on Match.com," JackO jokes. Bah-dum-cha. He'll be here all week.

12:29: But seriously, would it have killed Snoop to show up for this Long Beach State game? That ain't representin'. You ain't showin' no love for your homies, Snoop. For shizzle.

12:30: I'm ashamed to admit that we just argued for the last 60 seconds whether the previous paragraph should have ended with "For shizzle" or "fa rizzle."