Ask the AD

emmitt01 · November 24, 2005

Seeing as our offensive coordinator (hopefully for a short while longer) Ramon Flanigan has dubbed me "the AD" I will be fielding questions from anyone who has them.

Here's a letter I received from an alum in Jonesboro Arkansas:

"Dear AD Emmitt,

I've noticed that we continually beat up on the poor ol' Indians from Arkansas State. Is it the offensive schemes, the talent difference, or does ASU just plain suck? Many of the fans around here make fun of Jamario Thomas for his dyslexia, do you think this is fair seeing as how he torched them last year?

Thanks,

Green in Arkansas

P.S. My wife says hello. Our mother will be coming in for Thanksgiving tomorrow"

Green in Arkansas,

Yes, we do beat up on Arkie State quite a bit. I think the reason stems from the talent we have here in Denton cuz it aint the coaching. And yes, Arkansas State sucking does help. As to Jamario Thomas and his dyslexia, he and I talked just yesterday. We agree that "touchdown" and "blowout loss" sound the same and hurt just as much for Arkansas State fans even if you spell them "nwodhcuot" and "ssol tuowolb". Thanks for your letter.

AD Emmitt

Rudy · November 24, 2005

Dear AD Emmitt,

I heard that ASU is going to be looking for a new AD. Do you think they will go after Odonnis, or the Master of Tennessee? (inside jokes)

emmitt01 · November 24, 2005

Dear AD Emmitt,
I heard that ASU is going to be looking for a new AD. Do you think they will go after Odonnis, or the Master of Tennessee? (inside jokes)
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My sources in the AD network tell me that ASU's board of regents have looked at both of the candidates you mentioned and have decided against the both of them. Seems that neither of them have the qualifications they are looking for. Mr. Odonnis graduated valedictorian of his GED program and would become the most educated person on their campus upon his arrival. I'm told there would be quite a faculty backlash. The Master of Tennessee refuses to block out so he was stricken from the list as well.

Rudy · November 24, 2005

The Master of Tennessee refuses to block out so he was stricken from the list as well.
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LOLOL Lets go order sushi and egg rolls.

DeepGreen · November 24, 2005

Dear AD,

I just finished reading the entire thread, "A Great Post By Cooley On The Negative Board", all 8 pages and 117 replies, for the past several days. I realized after reading all of these posts, that the posts by fellow GreenBacker and Krytonite poster PlummMeanGreen, required several hours to read and digest. Are PlummMeanGreen posts available in the form of audio tapes or CD's? Would someone like Books-A-Million, Borders, Amazon, Barns and Noble, WalMart, or Sams have these "Epistles" for leisure reading during the off season?

DeepGreen

emmitt01 · November 24, 2005

Dear AD,
I just finished reading the entire thread, "A Great Post By Cooley On The Negative Board", all 8 pages and 117 replies, for the past several days. I realized after reading all of these posts, that the posts by fellow GreenBacker and Krytonite poster PlummMeanGreen, required several hours to read and digest. Are PlummMeanGreen posts available in the form of audio tapes or CD's? Would someone like Books-A-Million, Borders, Amazon, Barns and Noble, WalMart, or Sams have these "Epistles" for leisure reading during the off season?
DeepGreen
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Deep Green,

Plumm Mean Green's posts have been compiled over the last few years by monks in a private monestary in Denton. It took me several weeks to kidnap all of the Denia residents and convert them to Emmittism but they fell in line when I threatened to have Green Grenade babysit their children. Anyway, Plumm's posts will soon be available in one large manuscript much like the bible once the monks have had time to transcribe them all. The books of "Intersection of two highways" and "Hell's Bells" are among my favorites. Of course no reading of the Book of Plumm would be complete without flipping over to Plumm 3:16.

Edited November 24, 2005 by emmitt01

DeepGreen · November 24, 2005

Deep Green,
Plumm Mean Green's posts have been compiled over the last few years by monks in a private monestary in Denton. It took me several weeks to kidnap all of the Denia residents and convert them to Emmittism but they fell in line when I threatened to have Green Grenade babysit their children. Anyway, Plumm's posts will soon be available in one large manuscript much like the bible once the monks have had time to transcribe them all. The books of "Intersection of two highways" and "Hell's Bells" are among my favorites. Of course no reading of the Book of Plumm would be complete without flipping over to Plumm 3:16.
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MootPoint · November 25, 2005

Deep Green,
Plumm Mean Green's posts have been compiled over the last few years by monks in a private monestary in Denton. It took me several weeks to kidnap all of the Denia residents and convert them to Emmittism but they fell in line when I threatened to have Green Grenade babysit their children. Anyway, Plumm's posts will soon be available in one large manuscript much like the bible once the monks have had time to transcribe them all. The books of "Intersection of two highways" and "Hell's Bells" are among my favorites. Of course no reading of the Book of Plumm would be complete without flipping over to Plumm 3:16.
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hehehehe

medpilot21 · November 25, 2005

Dear AD,

A high-school football player from Weatherford is being recruited by several Universities. He has been "wined and dined" by several Big-XII schools, and has offers from some lessor known universities. His mother is a friend, and said he wants to make a few more visits before he makes up his mind. I asked what schools he is leaning towards, and she said "Texas, Kansas State, North Texas, and Arkansas State". I told her three out of the four make good sense, but I wasnt sure why Ark. State was a finalist? She said her son wants to feed the world's hungry... and has done nothing but play football and work on a ranch his whole life. He wants to study "Animal Husbandry".

Do I burst her bubble and tell her that term means something different to Ark. State people, or do I let him go on that visit... and be tramatized for the rest of his life? I dont want to sway his decision in any direction myself, but this could really screw him up?

signed,

Hapless, helpless, and hopless in Haltom....

Rudy · November 25, 2005

You were talking to a recruit's mother???? Lord help us all if the angels find out about that. You can't do that stuff Med.

Dear AD, will there be a Cliff Notes version of each of Plumm's posts?

PlummMeanGreen · November 25, 2005

Deep Green,
Plumm Mean Green's posts have been compiled over the last few years by monks in a private monestary in Denton. It took me several weeks to kidnap all of the Denia residents and convert them to Emmittism but they fell in line when I threatened to have Green Grenade babysit their children. Anyway, Plumm's posts will soon be available in one large manuscript much like the bible once the monks have had time to transcribe them all. The books of "Intersection of two highways" and "Hell's Bells" are among my favorites. Of course no reading of the Book of Plumm would be complete without flipping over to Plumm 3:16.
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(funny one, Emmitt)

OH, GOOD LORDY.........

Emmitt, at least I haven't asked GMG.com posters to put their hands on their computers to pray for (or expect) a miracle in all this concerning DD OR have I asked anyone to send money to: Wake Up, Stand Tall All Eagle's Ministries, Inc., with special mission emphasis aimed at wayward Stepford Eagles who have lost their way due to a false prophet claiming to be a NCAA D1-A head football coach. Yet we know our lost sheep will soon see the the (green) Light once again and return back to their (long time ago) former ways of having much higher expectation than just focussing on and beating the best of the Bottom Ten.

SHAMELESS BOOK PLUG: Emmitt (and others) we now have a book out ($29.95 at your local book stores & just in time for Christmas, a great stocking stuffer ); in fact, our new book has already made some best sellers lists.

AND NOW, A BOOK REVIEW (on that book): Our "Wake Up, Stand Tall All Eagles" 300 page book is basically a "self help' AND "how to" guide as to help our most brain-washed Stepford Eagles alums/fans on how to actually de-program themselves to all that they had previously been told were the True Ways To An NCAA Utopian Existence in Denton, Texas. Yes (in deedy) it was a very large number of our elect who just simply got caught up with the wrong stinkin' thinkin' crowd which allowed they themselves to be (duly) brainwashed into thinking that being the Best of the Bottom Ten was all that was really needed in the Promised Mean Green Land and all that in order to gain acceptance into NCAA Utopia. So yes, our book was truly an inspired revelation that would be the true salvation or cure-all (if you will) and ultimately be "The Way" to UNT's Stepford Eagles everywhere. Bless em!

It seems some of our Stepford Eagles in their indoctrinations thought by being the Best of the Worst (as had been ingrained in them for what will soon be going on, uh, "NINE" years) would gain them as a group new respect and favor from the other 10 NCAA D1-A BCS/non BCS conferences. Those very same soon-to-be "ex" Stepford Eagles after their self de-programming as found in our book (actually we'll throw in a 10% discount if you merely get thru this post); so 10% it is with an accompanying "Talking Book" cassette tape thrown in just for the heck of it ); anyway, among the many deceptions would be their getting nation-wide respect among college football fandom which (once sobered up to reality) they would find would hardly be the case. These would be most tough times that would build character and strengthen eagle wings and whole chapter was dedicated to that theme. (insert subliminal 10% off)

While on the above subject, our ex Stepford Eagles were even a tad embarrassed by the low opinions they discovered most in the NCAA had toward them once all facades and veils had been lifted); in fact to be even more specific, they would soon learn that each and every one of the other 10 NCAA D1-A conferences (including CUSA, the WAC and the MAC)were each and everyone all but at the giggle-stage when it came to their opinions of our most deceived Stepford Eagles and their beloved UNT (and because of all their low profile association with other schools called the Sun Belt). De-programming the brainwashed can be a downright bummer.

ANOTHER INSPIRED BOOK: So for that aforementioned group of our toughest and most stubborn Stepford Eagles, we are now working on yet another book (due out this next Easter at your favorite book store) that we've decided to call: How To Cast Out NCAA D1-A Bottom 10 Demons & Detect False Radio Prophets of Doom. One strict rule that we have at the top our our new de-programees and converts list is that they have to hide from their household all radios, especially not to be turned on during Game Day post game interviews. BTW, I've been looking for the Church "Ain't That Special" Lady of SNL fame because we still have some demon casting needing to be done in Denton. Anyone seen her?!?!? AIN'T SHE SPECIAL?!?!?

TO SUBMERGE OR SPRINKLE, THAT IS THE QUESTION: Some of the first Stepford Eagle fans/alum converts our ministry successfully de-programmed were last seen trotting full speed toward the Denia Duck Pond "ON UNT PROPERTY THANK YOU VERY MUCH" out at Eagle Point Campus. Anyway, this first group of our "ex" Stepford Eagles converts were last seen dunking each other under duck pond waters while others just sprinkled each other (like you see someone tossing water out of an old timey glass pill bottle at vampires in those movies?); anyway, all that happening in the Denia Duck Pond waters would symbolize their newfound joy of seeing their alma mater in an entirely different greenish fog lifted light. HERE WE GO AGAIN WITH THAT TENSE NOISE AGAIN: Our most touched, were all overheard babbling and gurgling in that funny almost non-interrpretive sound with what sounded like: "OOC wins! OOC wins! OOC wins! OOC wins! It was sorta' all embarrassing to be around that but what the heck, our book was working with Stepford Eagles in the uttermost parts of Mean Green Country.

So yes, some of our newest and most enthusiastic converts were (in deed) overheard babbling & gurgling in that tongue unknown to most of our Stepford Eagles, at least, those who had been the most deceived over the last 8 years. Some of our newest "we've finally seen that Green Light" converts even had trance-like visions of a UNT football team playing a Top 40 OOC BCS school and actually winning that gol' darned (whoops, sorry about the near swearing there) and bless'ed event.

Our ministry leaders then told our new green cloaked de-programees that some ancient UNT dead duck pond scrolls recently found actually had records of all that (Big Time Wins) having already happened before at UNT, but that was a long, long time ago, almost a long forgotten era, in fact; and that a time before the present Deceiver with that dreaded "Armageddon'ish" number on his person; you know, the one with dots under the hair of his head (but O' Hark, wait a minute--he has no hair and if one were to get a red Marks-A-Lot connecting all those dots they would show these most prophetic (or "tell-tell" tells it like it really is) series of numbers:

39-54

(in 8 years and soon going on 9 if educated folks don't soon start making educated-like decisions)

OH, GOOD LORDY!

GOD BLESS TEXAS!

Edited November 25, 2005 by PlummMeanGreen

emmitt01 · November 25, 2005

Dear AD,
A high-school football player from Weatherford is being recruited by several Universities. He has been "wined and dined" by several Big-XII schools, and has offers from some lessor known universities. His mother is a friend, and said he wants to make a few more visits before he makes up his mind. I asked what schools he is leaning towards, and she said "Texas, Kansas State, North Texas, and Arkansas State". I told her three out of the four make good sense, but I wasnt sure why Ark. State was a finalist? She said her son wants to feed the world's hungry... and has done nothing but play football and work on a ranch his whole life. He wants to study "Animal Husbandry".

Do I burst her bubble and tell her that term means something different to Ark. State people, or do I let him go on that visit... and be tramatized for the rest of his life? I dont want to sway his decision in any direction myself, but this could really screw him up?
signed,
Hapless, helpless, and hopless in Haltom....
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Medpilot,

I was originally compelled to instruct you to warn this poor child against going to Arkansas State for a visit. After much consideration, though, I have decided it may be in his best interest. Only when a person has seen what the "other half" of humanity lives like can they truly appreciate the culture of Denton Texas. By this I do not mean that they will come to see just how civilized we are...quite to the contrary. I simply mean that, after seeing the 'love' that Arkansas citizens have for their livestock, this boy will probably be unfazed by some of our more 'artistic' students who they perpetually find to interview about our football team. Let's see, multiple piercings and ignorance about athletics....or PATA? (People for the Anal Treatment of Animals)