I figured it out!

October 7, 2005

At first I struggled to explain Tuesday night’s game. But then my wife and kids left for Dallas ahead of me for Fall Break. The resulting peace and quiet for one night allowed me to focus my thoughts and imagination, and I was able to catch a rare glimpse into a realm where our common assumptions have no place.

Ancient Native Americans used an extract of the peyote cactus to commune with their gods. I’m not necessarily suggesting this, but you may need it to achieve the inner vision necessary to take this journey.

As we all know, Coach Dickey has done an excellent job eventually finding a way to win with the players he’s managed to assemble. On the other hand, many of us have been critical of a game plan that many times appears simple and unimaginative.

But what if it’s not that way at all? What if beneath the crude exterior lies the work of a fiendish mastermind that is so bizarre and other-worldly that it is not possible for us to comprehend it, like alien technology?

Perhaps our coach saw something in practice that enabled him to foretell, in an almost supernatural way, that having our offense on the field only represented more opportunities to turn the ball over. Instead of fighting against this, he decided to work with it. He developed a game plan around keeping our own offense off the field. He saw the synergistic power of it. Because when you turn the ball over, of course that also serves the purpose of keeping your offense off the field.

And on defense, it was clear to him that the only time we in turn would recover the ball is either in or very near our own end zone. The biggest highlight this season was the 99-yard interception return by Maurice Holman. Why not set the stage for more success like that?

Folks, it sounds improbable, but it was an ingenious plan forged out of desperation, and it almost worked!

Edited October 7, 2005 by Aquila_Viridis

untStein · October 7, 2005

Eureka! This same concept actually crossed my mind tuesday night but I just dismissed it as the effect of post-game depression. Aquila might be on to something here.

Cerebus · October 7, 2005

I am awed by this insight. Awed and slighlty nauseous, but that may be the peyote.

GoMeanGreen1999 · October 7, 2005

Coach bell is leaving this season and you appear to be the front runner for his job - Congrats!

TheColonyEagle · October 7, 2005

I'm scared.

floydjoy · October 7, 2005

I have to admit, Tuesday night did have a definitive air of eery, spooky-mad almost-genius.

But as I scale back to a tamer mix of shrooms and oregeno, I realize that the name "Darrell Dickey" is, sadly, just not on par with the likes of "Lex Luthor," "Hans Gruber" or "Darth Vader."

Therefore, I must conclude that instances of:

a) throwing ill-advised "West Coast" type 2-yard swing passes on third and 9,

and

running up the middle when everyone expects a, yeah, you guessed it, "run up the middle"

are not mad genius.

However, the weird alchemy of world-class running backs with offensive "people" (I refuse to actually refer to them as a "line") does give me pause.

So, yes, it is possible that Dickey is an alien. I think that much is clearly evident.