Tulsa World Sports Picks (with sarcasm)

[OkState_Green]

Some of the humor is local and it isn't the best stuff around but I thought you guys might enjoy it...

Reality a show some Sooner fans may want to avoid

By World Sports Columnist

9/15/2005

Why do so many hillbillies call sports talk radio shows?

Homers versus reality

Homers: OU is having to go with a lot of young players.

Yet: Isn't somebody being paid $3 mil per year to mix in a few juniors?

Homers: Now people will miss Jason White!

Actually: It's Josh Heupel we miss.

Homers: OU offensive co-ordinator Chuck "Third and" Long didn't become a debatable coach overnight.

Still and all: Joe Paterno? Dave Wannstadt? Coach Fran? Shanahan? Genius barely at the Seahawks?

Note under this homer-ism: Somebody on the radio stole our Chuck "Third and" Long nickname without giving us proper credit.

Stop that.

We have another instant classic nickname to release under the Dallas pick.

Homers: Rhett Bomar deserves to start.

Question: Start the team bus?

Homers: You can't win turning the football over.

But: Refer to Switzer days of great defenses.

Homers: Stoops owns Mack Brown.

Unfortunately: Maybe it was only a rental.

Homers: Bo Pelini is responsible for the potholes in the Norman streets.

Only: His current team is 1-0.

Homers: Best passer transfers, starting offensive lineman quits, underage quarterback drinks in public, star runner skips class, none of it means anything.

Collective sigh: We'll see.

The Picks

Thursday

Utah (-3) at TCU: OKC media homers, some of whom are even on the OU payroll, might watch this with a cocktail handy.

Utah by 6.

Saturday

OU at UCLA (-6 1/2): Full-scale, flat-out, unbridled offensive panic apt to cause the playbook to expand to a third page.

Chief new play could sound something like this in huddle: High School Harry left, ready, break!

Get ready for the option, baby!

Who's running this team anyway, OKC media giant Eschbach?

USC plays at night -- what if a Trojan player comes to this game, sits behind the Sooner bench, says: Boo!

Main thing working in OU's favor: UCLA is nothing special, excellent runner and catcher, average slow quarterback, mushy defense.

Simply can't believe Bomar starts over Thompson.

Common question heard regarding "Third and" Long's pass game: Anybody have any idea who the intended receiver was? UCLA by 10.

Tulsa at North Texas (-6): Nothing says, "What am I doing here?" like Denton in September.

No moral victory column available here, only good that come of this is a W.

Meaningful Green by 4.

Arkansas State at Pickens State (-25 1/2): Backwoods Tour finally ends.

Nonconference schedule has Cowboys ready for pillow fight.

Our glasses aren't orange-colored: in the last game versus Florida Aquatic, we saw No. 92 chase down new quarterback Reid from behind!

State defense said to be improved.

By alums.

Pickens State by 28.

Michigan State at Notre Dame (-7): Proper viewing for locals starved for creative offense.

Notre Dame barely escapes trap, by 6.

Pitt at Nebraska (-9 1/2): Two of the worst coaches ever to con an athletic director.

Nebraska by 10.

Alabama (-2) at South Carolina: What do Stoops and Spurrier talk about, surfing?

Note to Bob: talk offense!

Upset, SC by 7.

Miami (-6 1/2) at Clemson: Coker to feel heat from two places in Miami -- sun, administration building?

Miami by 9.

Tennessee at Florida (-4): Never too early to guess which southern team gets cheated out of college title game -- after Auburn last year, looks like Virginia Tech could get short-changed this year.

Florida by 6.

Arkansas at Southern Cal (-31): Houston, we have 22 problems.

USC by 28.

Sunday

Buffalo at Tampa (-2): Who are these people?

Tampa by 3.

New England (-3) at Carolina: Brady isn't perfect, he has a bad game every third year on the road.

Carolina by 3.

Miami at the Jets (-6): We thought it was Frerotte's son!

Jets by 7.

Kansas City (-1 1/2) at the Raiders: Raiders so bad, about the only spikes left in the nut-fan section are spiked heels.

Upset, Raiders by 4.

Monday

New Orleans (-3) at the Giants: Part of fund-raising doubleheader -- we're exhausted just watching New Orleans. Imagine how the players must feel.

ri Giants by 2.

Redskins at the Cowboys (-6): Never thought we'd see the day when Drew "Paper or Plastic" Bledsoe would seem less likely to be sacked than rival quarterback.

Redskin lefty Brunell looks half in the grocery bag on every play.

Cowboys by 10.

[pollock]

Wow. I can detect some hints of humor in there, but I really only get about 25% of it. Maybe I'm not as sharp as I thought, or maybe it lost some formatting in the copy-and-paste?

[ADLER]

I read it backwards and it told me that Paul McCartney is dead.

(for you youngsters reading this, don't hurt yourself trying to figure it out)

Edited September 15, 2005 by ADLER

[Talon90]

I read it backwards and it told me that Paul McCartney is dead.

(for you youngsters reading this, don't hurt yourself trying to figure it out)

←

That article was a riot!

As for Adler...that was an oldie but a goodie!

[Catbird]

The "Picker" is a bit of an institution in Tulsa. He is irreverent ... he doesn't just "go with the crowd" ... he doesn't care who he torques off ... he is (as you've figured out) sarcastic as hell ... and he's amazingly accurate.

The only one he misses with remarkable regularity is TU.