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My unnamed sources tell me the following interviewed:
Bill Self: HC Kansas. Had really grown tired of a KU fan's, @rojomojo, push to tear down Allen Fieldhouse and turn it into a greenspace similar to what NYC has with Central Park. KU would then play on an outfield court designed, again with NYC in mind, to resemble Holcombe Rucker Park. This was all in a plan to address the volatile weather patterns in Lawrence attributed to climate change and not enough greenspace to combat these changes.
Deal Fell Through: When Self found out @rojomojo was in graduate school at North Texas.
Kevlin Sampson: HC Houston. Was ready for the move up I45 as he was finding it tougher and tougher to admit to living in the armpit of Texas. The liberalism of the North Texas campus coupled with his affinity for three-ways, texts, and UNT's acceptance of this vile practice were the major attractions for Sampson until he discovered the long banish from having anything to do with Houston, @Cougar King, was now stalking the Denton campus. Sampson was quoted as saying, "The thought of that troll entering one of my three-ways (Texts) was nauseating enough, but there is a real possibility that could happen in Denton. That's a chance I am not willing to take."
Tom Izzo: HC Michigan State. At the age of 70, the draw to finally be able to coach the real Mean Green led Izzo to call about the job. Not much is known about his interview, but one sticking point was the weather. Izzo, being used to the cold dankness of East Lansing was worried about the heat of North Texas. That, and the amount of sun screen that would be needed to cover the bags under his eyes. When an NIL deal collapsed between Izzo's ey bags, Matthew Stone's legs and Coppertone fell through, Izzo was out.
The rest, as they say, is history and Daniyal Robinson is our head coach.
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