Don’t insult women because of rejection

[Skipper]

Victoria Baghaei | Staff Writer

@chorizotacoss

Women face several types of social issues in everyday life. It’s assumed that we’re going to comply with every compliment imaginable. That we must be walking alone because we are looking for some company, or possibly a new date. On the contrary, that’s usually not the case, especially if that woman you target has made zero eye contact with you and harbors no will to speak to you.

Imagine you’ve had a rough day and want to be alone, so you go outside and play Pokémon Go. You’re likely going to a highly populated area because it’s safer to walk alone there, especially because people approach us women constantly. Once you arrive, you’re relieved and take a nice walk to cool you down from the overwhelming day.

Somehow to certain male eyes, a woman walking alone is an invitation to flirtation and that she must definitely want to talk to them because she’s alone.

“Well, you’re wrong. I don’t want to talk to you.”

Now comes that stranger looking for a female companion. You’re expecting it because, most likely, they’ve attempted to make eye contact despite your efforts to do otherwise. However, they still try because it’s silly for me to expect men to understand my body language, which screams “Please, no, don’t talk to me!”

Therefore, you’re not really excited to speak to them since you crave time to yourself. But of course, you acquiesce to be nice and answer them. In turn, the man asks you a lot of personal inquiries, repeatedly complimenting random aspects of you prior to popping the question: “Can we exchange numbers?” It doesn’t feel like he’s looking for a friendship regarding those special compliments, nor are you looking for a relationship in that moment. In fact, you could already be in one.

Now, it’s time to speak the words – “I’m not interested” – that could possibly madden the gentleman. It’s the moment that determines if I’m rude or not. Because after not giving this nice young man his “time of day,” I’ve become the villain in his eyes.

Sometimes men react in a respectful way, you get lucky and don’t have to deal with the potential uncomfortable nature of rejecting someone.

That’s not what usually happens though.

Chances dictate that more than one of those times, women are slandered because they declined your offer, even though you were nice. Women will leave the place we wanted to spend time at just to avoid running into a guy again after such an awkward exchange.

So here’s some advice for all you “nice” guys out there: Just because you are nice does not mean you are entitled to become a part of my life. It doesn’t mean I have to give you my phone number. Don’t start insulting us to our faces or to your friends, because it’s not fair that a nice girl had to deal with someone trying to get in their pants for 10 minutes. Your niceness doesn’t mean you’re entitled, even if your intentions are good.

If you’re truly looking to be someone’s friend, then go for it. It doesn’t mean you can’t talk to anyone cordially. But make sure that your intentions are clear and you aren’t bothering someone that clearly desires alone-time. Learn social cues; they’re important if you’re going to be approaching random women.

Whenever your intentions are genuine, we’ll most likely know.

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[MeanGreenMailbox aka TFLF]

Amazing how rarely students realize how much time they have on their hands at that point in their lives. 

Edited August 2, 2016 by MeanGreenMailbox

[GBarksdale]

"Just because you are nice does not mean you are entitled to become a part of my life."

Can't tell you how many times I heard that in college.

[Quoner]

What if some broad insults my favorite flick?

[Censored by Laurie]

46 minutes ago, Quoner said:

What if some broad insults my favorite flick?

tangentially related story:

this past weekend I'm helping a friend out for the 48-hour film festival here in New Haven and I run into the lovely Alison Brie, most notably of Mad Men fame. now she certainly didn't remember me at first, but I go up to her and remind her how, now 12 years ago, the two of us spent a decent amount of time together while she working on a short called Stolen Poem (I had a brief fling with an aspiring director/producer and briefly lived with her in a trailer out in Topanga while she was like 2nd key grip or something on this short) now, I had nothing to do with the movie...just was welcome on set pretty much every evening and off hours. Alison said then she remembered me (questionable) and that she had really fond memories of working on that film...saying that its pretty rare to have a situation where people hang out together like we all did when the shoot wasn't on. 

anyway...we chat for like 10-15 minutes...I tell her how it took me like 4-5 episodes in to even recognize her as Trudy Campbell...told her that I thought she was fantastic in Mad Men, but that I just couldn't much get into Community. she more or less agrees...saying that it was such a difficult thing for her to go bouncing back and forth from a committed and professional set like Mad Men to what she called a pretty amateur-esque one like Community where she more or less hated everyone (save Donald Glover...but especially Ken Jeong) that it was basically just a paycheck to her and that she was thrilled it was cancelled...and is very happy for now to use her free time with voice work like Bojack Horseman and on small, independent creatives like a 48 hour film festival. 

so...I guess even the actors thought Community was terrible. 

[Harry]

[Quoner]

5 hours ago, Censored by Laurie said:

so...I guess even the actors thought Community was terrible. 

[LongJim]

16 hours ago, Censored by Laurie said:

tangentially related story:

this past weekend I'm helping a friend out for the 48-hour film festival here in New Haven and I run into the lovely Alison Brie, most notably of Mad Men fame. now she certainly didn't remember me at first, but I go up to her and remind her how, now 12 years ago, the two of us spent a decent amount of time together while she working on a short called Stolen Poem (I had a brief fling with an aspiring director/producer and briefly lived with her in a trailer out in Topanga while she was like 2nd key grip or something on this short) now, I had nothing to do with the movie...just was welcome on set pretty much every evening and off hours. Alison said then she remembered me (questionable) and that she had really fond memories of working on that film...saying that its pretty rare to have a situation where people hang out together like we all did when the shoot wasn't on. 

anyway...we chat for like 10-15 minutes...I tell her how it took me like 4-5 episodes in to even recognize her as Trudy Campbell...told her that I thought she was fantastic in Mad Men, but that I just couldn't much get into Community. she more or less agrees...saying that it was such a difficult thing for her to go bouncing back and forth from a committed and professional set like Mad Men to what she called a pretty amateur-esque one like Community where she more or less hated everyone (save Donald Glover...but especially Ken Jeong) that it was basically just a paycheck to her and that she was thrilled it was cancelled...and is very happy for now to use her free time with voice work like Bojack Horseman and on small, independent creatives like a 48 hour film festival. 

so...I guess even the actors thought Community was terrible. 

This whole story is kind of a let down, man.

[UNTcrazy727]

Community was awesome

[UNT90]

On July 29, 2016 at 5:50 PM, Skipper said:

Whenever your intentions are genuine, we’ll most likely know.

 

Oh, honey...

No,

No, you won't. 

Here is the deal. EVERY guy in college that approaches you (assuming you are good looking) has one initial thought on his mind. 

EVERY

SINGLE

ONE.

The ones you think are genuine? They are just much smoother and more polished than that kinda nerdy guy that you thought you could see through so easily. 

As you get older (if you retain your looks), you will realize the powerful tool at your disposal, and if you are smart, you will learn how to use it to create all sorts of benefits for you personally and professionally. Everything from landing the right husband to promoting quickly in your career field (again, IF and only IF you are smart). 

Sometimes youth is truly wasted on the young. 

 

[Rudy]

Add to that, they have no clue when someone is genuinely being nice to them.  They still think that you just want in their pants.

[Censored by Laurie]

14 hours ago, UNT90 said:

Oh, honey...

No,

No, you won't. 

Here is the deal. EVERY guy in college that approaches you (assuming you are good looking) has one initial thought on his mind. 

EVERY

SINGLE

ONE.

The ones you think are genuine? They are just much smoother and more polished than that kinda nerdy guy that you thought you could see through so easily. 

As you get older (if you retain your looks), you will realize the powerful tool at your disposal, and if you are smart, you will learn how to use it to create all sorts of benefits for you personally and professionally. Everything from landing the right husband to promoting quickly in your career field (again, IF and only IF you are smart). 

Sometimes youth is truly wasted on the young. 

 

I really hope you never have a daughter.

or a son. 

[UNT90]

15 minutes ago, Censored by Laurie said:

I really hope you never have a daughter.

or a son. 

Reality too much for you? I really hope you never have a child, because you obviously won't prepare them properly for the real world.

And here is another clue for you. This works the same way for good looking guys, just to a lesser extent. 

Don't like it? Blame society, not me. 

Here is a question for you. Would you encourage your daughter or son to use their brain to get ahead in life? 

And if you weren't prejudiced toward me, you would have asked what I mean by "the right husband." The answer would no doubt surprise you. But you didn't, because you just prejudge and assume the worst. 

Please don't teach your children this trait.

Edited August 5, 2016 by UNT90

[Quoner]

52 minutes ago, UNT90 said:

Reality too much for you? I really hope you never have a child, because you obviously won't prepare them properly for the real world.

And here is another clue for you. This works the same way for good looking guys, just to a lesser extent. 

Don't like it? Blame society, not me. 

Here is a question for you. Would you encourage your daughter or son to use their brain to get ahead in life? 

And if you weren't prejudiced toward me, you would have asked what I mean by "the right husband." The answer would no doubt surprise you. But you didn't, because you just prejudge and assume the worst. 

Please don't teach your children this trait.

While we are touching this topic, how come no one ever talks about the pressure on us men to be handsome and chiseled? Ladies never acknowledge this double standard if you ask me.

Edited August 5, 2016 by Quoner

[UNT90]

26 minutes ago, Quoner said:

While we are touching this topic, how come no one ever talks about the pressure on us men to be handsome and chiseled? Ladies never acknowledge this double standard if you ask me.

Either handsome and chiseled or rich and powerful. Those are the two male draws.

 

 

[EagleMBA]

[Censored by Laurie]

1 hour ago, UNT90 said:

Reality too much for you? I really hope you never have a child, because you obviously won't prepare them properly for the real world.

And here is another clue for you. This works the same way for good looking guys, just to a lesser extent. 

Don't like it? Blame society, not me. 

Here is a question for you. Would you encourage your daughter or son to use their brain to get ahead in life? 

And if you weren't prejudiced toward me, you would have asked what I mean by "the right husband." The answer would no doubt surprise you. But you didn't, because you just prejudge and assume the worst. 

Please don't teach your children this trait.

I've already got a consult with a doctor for the old snip-snip...so don't worry about my parenting. 

what you meant by "the right husband" is moot. the implication is simply that a woman NEEDS a husband (or, at least let's be somewhat modern, a wife) in the first place. it's archaic. you're a part of the society that feeds into these shitty norms. so ya...you share in the blame. 

and since we're placing so much of a woman's worth in her appearance and her intelligence in how she uses those looks to her advantage (because every man is apparently that howling wolf at the nightclub in old cartoons)...what then would your advice be to your daughter if she didn't fit into societal expectations of beauty? 

[oldguystudent]

Dear UNT Abby,

My teenage daughter insults women all the time.  As a CIS-gendered father, how should I handle this?

Identifyingly confused in North Texas

Edited August 5, 2016 by oldguystudent

[Censored by Laurie]

1 hour ago, Quoner said:

While we are touching this topic, how come no one ever talks about the pressure on us men to be handsome and chiseled? Ladies never acknowledge this double standard if you ask me.

just focus on the perfect smile and hair

[UNT90]

4 minutes ago, Censored by Laurie said:

I've already got a consult with a doctor for the old snip-snip...so don't worry about my parenting. 

what you meant by "the right husband" is moot. the implication is simply that a woman NEEDS a husband (or, at least let's be somewhat modern, a wife) in the first place. it's archaic. you're a part of the society that feeds into these shitty norms. so ya...you share in the blame. 

and since we're placing so much of a woman's worth in her appearance and her intelligence in how she uses those looks to her advantage (because every man is apparently that howling wolf at the nightclub in old cartoons)...what then would your advice be to your daughter if she didn't fit into societal expectations of beauty? 

My advice to my daughter would be to work to improve herself in ALL areas of her life and use ALL of those improvements to her advantage. 

I'm glad you are getting snipped (although after you mature a bit, if you do, I bet you get it reversed). This gives me hope that the Idiocracy model may not be occurring. 

You can hate societal norms all you want, but what you propose above is completely outside American societal norms and quite frankly is a prescription for a lonely and desolate life, for a man or a woman. 

And you didn't answer my question. 

[Censored by Laurie]

3 minutes ago, UNT90 said:

My advice to my daughter would be to work to improve herself in ALL areas of her life and use ALL of those improvements to her advantage. 

I'm glad you are getting snipped (although after you mature a bit, if you do, I bet you get it reversed). This gives me hope that the Idiocracy model may not be occurring. 

You can hate societal norms all you want, but what you propose above is completely outside American societal norms and quite frankly is a prescription for a lonely and desolate life, for a man or a woman. 

And you didn't answer my question. 

which one...this? "Would you encourage your daughter or son to use their brain to get ahead in life?"

no...because I wouldn't encourage my children to view life as a competition. they have nothing to try to "get ahead" in. my focus would be on instilling a sense of contentment in life and happiness in their pursuits and those they keep closest to them and a strong set of values and self-worth that shouldn't be compromised.

if this hypothetical child of mine finds his/her-self in a position where their appearance is valued over the merit of their work, then I'd encourage them to leave that position rather than undo another button. 

I know plenty of married people who lead lonely and desolate lives because they chose to accept the idea that they need someone to feel fulfilled. 

and don't preach to me about maturation just because you're older. all age does is make one more stubborn, not automatically more mature. I decided a long time ago that I didn't want children...an ideal shared by my partner...and that both of us value a life of travel and exploration and simplicity over parenthood and all the entails. 

[UNT90]

26 minutes ago, Censored by Laurie said:

which one...this? "Would you encourage your daughter or son to use their brain to get ahead in life?"

no...because I wouldn't encourage my children to view life as a competition. they have nothing to try to "get ahead" in. my focus would be on instilling a sense of contentment in life and happiness in their pursuits and those they keep closest to them and a strong set of values and self-worth that shouldn't be compromised.

if this hypothetical child of mine finds his/her-self in a position where their appearance is valued over the merit of their work, then I'd encourage them to leave that position rather than undo another button. 

I know plenty of married people who lead lonely and desolate lives because they chose to accept the idea that they need someone to feel fulfilled. 

and don't preach to me about maturation just because you're older. all age does is make one more stubborn, not automatically more mature. I decided a long time ago that I didn't want children...an ideal shared by my partner...and that both of us value a life of travel and exploration and simplicity over parenthood and all the entails. 

Be prepared for your partner to change his/her mind. 

As far as instilling values, well, no crap. Instilling that they have a right to always be happy is fantasy. Failure to point out that they will need a job to be happy (for numerous reasons, not all associated with fonancials) is a failure to prepare your child for the future.

And there s your prejudice, thinking I would have my daughter "unbutton another button" to get ahead." This isn't what I meant at all, but you don't care, because you have a portrait in your head of a person you have never met. Prejudice. 

What I mean is encouraging her to be mentally and physically prepared to excell at her job. 

But I guess if eating McDonalds every day "made my kids happy," you would let them do it, right? Well, of course not. So stop saying feel good crap that no parent in their right mind would practice. 

[Censored by Laurie]

58 minutes ago, UNT90 said:

Be prepared for your partner to change his/her mind. 

As far as instilling values, well, no crap. Instilling that they have a right to always be happy is fantasy. Failure to point out that they will need a job to be happy (for numerous reasons, not all associated with fonancials) is a failure to prepare your child for the future.

And there s your prejudice, thinking I would have my daughter "unbutton another button" to get ahead." This isn't what I meant at all, but you don't care, because you have a portrait in your head of a person you have never met. Prejudice. 

What I mean is encouraging her to be mentally and physically prepared to excell at her job. 

But I guess if eating McDonalds every day "made my kids happy," you would let them do it, right? Well, of course not. So stop saying feel good crap that no parent in their right mind would practice. 

it's funny to me how you'll bemoan my "prejudice" while simultaneously telling me with such certainty my/partner's stance on parenthood

but how about enough with the "prejudice" self-victimization crap. I don't need to have met Mike (though we have met) to know UNT90...the entity with whom I'm currently conversing. 

let's take a look at your original statement...you tell me exactly where you work in the bolded part above. 

Quote

 

Oh, honey...

No,

No, you won't. 

Here is the deal. EVERY guy in college that approaches you (assuming you are good looking) has one initial thought on his mind. 

EVERY

SINGLE

ONE.

The ones you think are genuine? They are just much smoother and more polished than that kinda nerdy guy that you thought you could see through so easily. 

As you get older (if you retain your looks), you will realize the powerful tool at your disposal, and if you are smart, you will learn how to use it to create all sorts of benefits for you personally and professionally. Everything from landing the right husband to promoting quickly in your career field (again, IF and only IF you are smart). 

Sometimes youth is truly wasted on the young. 

 

 

[Quoner]

2 hours ago, Censored by Laurie said:

just focus on the perfect smile and hair

6 pack abs? The only 6 pack I want is some cold frosty beers, baby. That's my grown up treat that goes down so smooth. You guys with me?

[Censored by Laurie]

Just now, Quoner said:

6 pack abs? The only 6 pack I want is some cold frosty beers, baby. That's my grown up treat that goes down so smooth. You guys with me?

BL 'nums?