For those going to the Super Bowl...

DeepGreen · November 24, 2003

For those who will be visiting the fair city of Houston for the Super bowl in January!

1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is "Ewe-stun", not "Houston." Oh yeah, and it is pronounced "San Phal-ee-pay," not "San Phil-eep" (San Felipe).

2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Houston has its own version of traffic rules. Hold on and pray. There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Houston. We all drive like that.

3. All directions start with, "Go to Loop 610".... which has no beginning and no end.

4. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic... a "Scenic Drive."

5. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 AM to 10:00 AM. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 PM to 7:00 PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one off the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going, to avoid getting into any cross-traffic's way.

7. Kuykendahl Road can ONLY be pronounced by a native Houstonian.

8. Construction on I-10, I-45, US 59 and Loop 610 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.

9. All unexplained smells are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we must be in Pasadena!!!."

10.If someone actually has their turn signal on, it's probably a factory defect.

11.All Suburbans have total right-of-way.

12.The minimum acceptable speed on Loop 610 is 85 mph.

13.The wrought iron on windows in east Houston is NOT ornamental.

14.Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says, "Keep honking, I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk at anyone.

15.If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 mph in a 60 mph zone, people are not waving when they pass you.

16.The Sam Houston Toll Road is our daily version of NASCAR.

17.If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.

18.When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits lead to Louisiana.

19.You don't have to wait for an exit to get off a freeway, just follow the ruts in the grass to the frontage road like everyone else. This is how Houston residents notify Texas Department of Transportation where exits should have been built.