Meet & Greet With Coach Littrell

[Cerebus]

Just now, UNTFan23 said:

I never said I was perfect. I'm more than able to admit I've put in bad code to production. Each time I know exactly where the problem went to sh*t and it was a good learning experience for me.

Then that makes you one of the best coders in the world, my standard reaction always was:

[Aldo]

1 minute ago, UNTFan23 said:

I never said I was perfect. 

 

 

You mad?

[UNTFan23]

2 minutes ago, Cerebus said:

Then that makes you one of the best coders in the world, my standard reaction always was:

I live in fear each time my code goes to production. There's always the chance that I didn't account for something and the worst possible things happen.

[Cerebus]

Just now, UNTFan23 said:

I live in fear each time my code goes to production. There's always the chance that I didn't account for something and the worst possible things happen.

You administered Hillary's email server didn't you?  Admit it.

[Tyler Maryak]

1 minute ago, Aldo said:

 

 

You mad?

[UNTFan23]

1 minute ago, Cerebus said:

You administered Hillary's email server didn't you?  Admit it.

I live in the mainframe world. That UNIX is tough stuff to grasp. Grip pipe, that's awk-ward stuff to do, let alone talk about.

[BillySee58]

3 hours ago, Aldo said:

It follows a long list of gaffes in just the past month.

Most of the midterm signees names were misspelled. Poor media quality. Not having the date correct on multiple documents. 

If someone is being paid to be a communications guy, by golly I expect better than this.

Literally all 3. Ozougwu was spelled (and still is in the release) "Ozougwe", Henson was spelled "Hensen", and Wheeler's first name was wrong, I believe. It really is all a joke. 

[Cerebus]

Just now, UNTFan23 said:

I live in the mainframe world. That UNIX is tough stuff to grasp. 

Funny, my opinion is the exact opposite.   

[Aldo]

4 minutes ago, Cerebus said:

Funny, my opinion is the exact opposite.   

I mean if Lex can do it (or Tim, if you're a purist)...

[forevereagle]

3 minutes ago, Aldo said:

I mean if Lex can do it (or Tim, if you're a purist)...

[Cerebus]

15 minutes ago, forevereagle said:

[UNT90]

2 hours ago, VideoEagle said:

You are right about the need for a human to go over the automatic generated materials, but that often doesn't happen for several hours after they are released. This email went out around 2pm and the athletic department says they were going to be working with CBS Interactive by 5. That's really not a bad response time unless you are willing to pay for 24/7 immediate support. That kind of support costs a LOT of money. 

The athletic department certainly makes mistakes. But in this one case, it wasn't them. 

I'm not saying they don't make mistakes in other messages, I never have written that!

As for a don't care attitude, Capper sent me a first reply that he was looking into what happened about 5 minutes after my email. He send the details of what he found around an hour later. No, I don't expect anyone from the athletic department to be sitting around waiting on me to ask a question so yes I think that was a quick enough response. 

As anyone who's read many of my writings here would know, I don't have a "constant, relentless defense" of the athletic department. I do point out when people blame things that aren't their fault. 

As I don't have a "blinding hatred" of the athletic department, but it's a message board, so we all can just say what we want, right?

Edited January 22, 2016 by UNT90

[UNT90]

4 hours ago, UNT Five&Dime said:

Anybody else think Hell might actually be having to read GMG off-season threads for eternity?

Hey, this beats the hell out of helmet sticker talk or girly uniform threads. 

[Ben Gooding]

4 hours ago, BillySee58 said:

Literally all 3. Ozougwu was spelled (and still is in the release) "Ozougwe", Henson was spelled "Hensen", and Wheeler's first name was wrong, I believe. It really is all a joke. 

Fly would tell you the same thing. 

[TheTastyGreek]

5 hours ago, UNT Five&Dime said:

Anybody else think Hell might actually be having to read GMG off-season threads for eternity?

I believe that in Hell, I'm chained to a rock at the Athletics Center. Every day when the sun breaks, it's an all day press conference. The same all day press conference. And through everything that follows, terrible Eugene Levy Scrappy pecks at my chest and devours my beating heart, using nothing but his floppy, costume beak and talons. 

First, Rick Villareal goes to the podium and tearfully announces Johnny Jones is leaving the basketball program to go coach at SMU. This is the easiest torture to bear, because it's a sharp pain, and the presentation ends quickly. 

Next to the podium is Todd Dodge, who gives a monotone speech about what a wonderful husband and father JJ was, and then does an extended, in-depth video analysis of the 2011 SBC Tournament championship game against UALR to "grade out our performance". I am unable to close my eyes or turn my head away.

At the end of his presentation, Dodge collects a urine sample from everyone in the room to test us all for marijuana. The head of the Mean Green Club screws up and puts the wrong name and address labels on every cup of urine. It doesn't matter, because Eric Capper winds up carrying the tray of pee cups out of the room. He lets his attention drift while tweeting at Johnny Quinn that bobsledding is for "pussies and Longhorn fans", and stumbles into me, soaking me with the piss of everyone in attendance. 

Rick Villarreal returns to the podium to announce that he has hired Tony Benford to replace Johnny Jones. I am unable to close my eyes or turn my head away. But, the pain I feel in my soul briefly blunts the misery of terrible Eugene Levy Scrappy chewing at my heart. 

Dan McCarney takes the stage for a slideshow presentation titled: "Iowa: Precious Memories". Unfortunately, the slide projector is... not good. We got a model that was rejected by every other college athletic department in the state, and the projector can't get the picture to hit the wall 30 feet away. An A/V technician shows up to replace it with a functional projector... But the A/V Tech is only 5'11" tall, so McCarney refuses to let him on the stage. Instead, McCarney just describes every old photograph in excruciating detail. Then, Coach Mac runs up and down the 3 small stage stairs for 30 minutes while scolding us all for not bringing more friends to watch him do it. 

The conference breaks for a catered lunch. From Jimmy Johns. And every sandwich is already slathered with mayo. 

After lunch, we get going again with an hour devoted to the Ritual Worshipping of False Idols.

First, the Todd Dodge Football Plan is presented and venerated. It is written in a magnificent rainbow of crayon colors. 

Next, an athletics department acolyte carries forward the Shanice Stephens Interview Binder. It is a Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper resplendently adorned in rainbows and unicorns. All pray over it, solemnly. 

Next, the Graven Image of the Emfinger 5-Star Recruit is borne forth. The air fills with the smell of incense and bullshit. 

Finally, a wise old fan presents the legendary Hayden Fry Vision for a Brighter Tomorrow. Divine word tells that only His Holy Fry-fulness could ever be worthy to look within and attempt to interpret its most perfect wisdom. So, none dare to open it, but many reach out to touch it, hoping that it can heal their illnesses and cure their maladies. It does nothing to heal the damage that terrible Eugene Levy Scrappy has done in devouring my heart. And I'm not able to get very close to it (I'm chained to the rock, remember), but from a distance, it appears to be just a brochure for the Mayflower Transit moving company.

After the religious component of the press conference ends, a tearful Rick V announces to all that Tony Benford has officially hired Bill Cosby and Jared Fogle as his first two assistant coaches. 

Then, Rick hands the microphone back over to Dan McCarney again, this time for a new slideshow entitled: "A Discourse on Winning a National Championship Ring at Florida". While Mac was distracted by Jimmy Johns at lunch, that A/V Tech snuck up and replaced the projector with one that is physically capable of throwing the images against the wall from more than 10 yards distance. Unfortunately, the new projector doesn't work effectively with a 1970's slide carousel, so we get another round of interminable, repetitive descriptions. 

The speech goes on forever, and it all sounds very similar to the same speech Mac had given before. At one point, while Mac polishes his national championship ring, he breaks it. A woman in the audience tries to console him, and Mac accidentally breaks her neck. As a lynch mob begins to gather, Mike Canales runs up on stage with the Heart of Dallas Bowl trophy. Chico gives it to Mac, and tells Mac all about the bright future they're sure to have together. With Mac happy and distracted, Chico shoots him in the back of the head, sparing him from the wrath of the mob. 

Immediately afterwards, Rick steps back up to the podium and announces that he's signed Dan McCarney's corpse to an 8 year contract extension. 

As the day winds down, Eric Capper walks through the audience, handing out a press release for the "Jerry Joans farewell press conference". The flyer is purple ink on black paper, and the date for the press conference is somehow given as 6 days in the past. It refers to us as "North Texas State" and lists the address for Fouts Field. 

The lights are dimmed, and a mystic steps on stage to conduct a seance. The conjurer summons the Ghost of Tina Slinker, who spends 10 straight minutes laughing in Rick Villarreal's face, then sticks around to play a video game season on NBA Live 16 on Playstation. The Ghost of Tina Slinker goes 35-47 in her virtual video game season, missing the playoffs. Slinker's game is voted into the UNT Sports Hall of Fame as the best performance by a Women's Basketball coach in over a decade. 

Rick, face streaked with tears, takes the microphone and announces a 10 year home-and-home football series contract with the UNT-Dallas intramural co-ed flag football team. 

As everyone prepares to leave for the day, an unfortunate announcement is made... Our tickets to exit the building have not been delivered! Rick blames it on the post office refusing to work on Arbor Day, and everyone promises to hand out the exit tickets directly early the next morning. 

Since we're all going to have to spend the night at the Athletics Center together, the crowd decides to take turns giving their ideal vision for a new Southwest Conference as a way to pass the time. 

And, as terrible Eugene Levy Scrappy rips out the last pieces of my heart, the last words I hear are Rick Villarreal interrupting someone (who was describing at length how an all-Texas conference could work for everyone) to announce that he's extended Tony Benford to a lifetime contract. 

With that, the last of my heart is gone. Everything goes dark. 

And then, my eyes open, and it's morning, and the whole process starts all over again. 

[UNT90]

14 minutes ago, TheTastyGreek said:

I believe that in Hell, I'm chained to a rock at the Athletics Center. Every day when the sun breaks, it's an all day press conference. The same all day press conference. And through everything that follows, terrible Eugene Levy Scrappy pecks at my chest and devours my beating heart, using nothing but his floppy, costume beak and talons. 

First, Rick Villareal goes to the podium and tearfully announces Johnny Jones is leaving the basketball program to go coach at SMU. This is the easiest torture to bear, because it's a sharp pain, and the presentation ends quickly. 

Next to the podium is Todd Dodge, who gives a monotone speech about what a wonderful husband and father JJ was, and then does an extended, in-depth video analysis of the 2011 SBC Tournament championship game against UALR to "grade out our performance". I am unable to close my eyes or turn my head away.

At the end of his presentation, Dodge collects a urine sample from everyone in the room to test us all for marijuana. The head of the Mean Green Club screws up and puts the wrong name and address labels on every cup of urine. It doesn't matter, because Eric Capper winds up carrying the tray of pee cups out of the room. He lets his attention drift while tweeting at Johnny Quinn that bobsledding is for "pussies and Longhorn fans", and stumbles into me, soaking me with the piss of everyone in attendance. 

Rick Villarreal returns to the podium to announce that he has hired Tony Benford to replace Johnny Jones. I am unable to close my eyes or turn my head away. But, the pain I feel in my soul briefly blunts the misery of terrible Eugene Levy Scrappy chewing at my heart. 

Dan McCarney takes the stage for a slideshow presentation titled: "Iowa: Precious Memories". Unfortunately, the slide projector is... not good. We got a model that was rejected by every other college athletic department in the state, and the projector can't get the picture to hit the wall 30 feet away. An A/V technician shows up to replace it with a functional projector... But the A/V Tech is only 5'11" tall, so McCarney refuses to let him on the stage. Instead, McCarney just describes every old photograph in excruciating detail. Then, Coach Mac runs up and down the 3 small stage stairs for 30 minutes while scolding us all for not bringing more friends to watch him do it. 

The conference breaks for a catered lunch. From Jimmy Johns. And every sandwich is already slathered with mayo. 

After lunch, we get going again with an hour devoted to the Ritual Worshipping of False Idols.

First, the Todd Dodge Football Plan is presented and venerated. It is written in a magnificent rainbow of crayon colors. 

Next, an athletics department acolyte carries forward the Shanice Stephens Interview Binder. It is a Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper resplendently adorned in rainbows and unicorns. All pray over it, solemnly. 

Next, the Graven Image of the Emfinger 5-Star Recruit is borne forth. The air fills with the smell of incense and bullshit. 

Finally, a wise old fan presents the legendary Hayden Fry Vision for a Brighter Tomorrow. Divine word tells that only His Holy Fry-fulness could ever be worthy to look within and attempt to interpret it's most perfect wisdom. So, none dare to open it, but many reach out to touch it, hoping that it can heal their illnesses and cure their maladies. It does nothing to heal the damage that terrible Eugene Levy Scrappy has done in devouring my heart. And I'm not able to get very close to it (I'm chained to the rock, remember), but from a distance, it appears to be just a brochure for the Mayflower Transit moving company.

After the religious component of the press conference ends, a tearful Rick V announces to all that Tony Benford has officially hired Bill Cosby and Jared Fogle as his first two assistant coaches. 

Then, Rick hands the microphone back over to Dan McCarney again, this time for a new slideshow entitled: "A Discourse on Winning a National Championship Ring at Florida". While Mac was distracted by Jimmy Johns at lunch, that AV Tech snuck up and replaced the projector with one that is physically capable of throwing the images against the wall from more than 10 yards distance. Unfortunately, the new projector doesn't work effectively with a 1970's slide carousel, so we get another round of interminable, repetitive descriptions. 

The speech goes on forever, and it all sounds very similar to the same speech Mac had given before. At one point, while Mac polishes his national championship ring, he breaks it. A woman in the audience tries to console him, and Mac accidentally breaks her neck. As a lynch mob begins to gather, Mike Canales runs up on stage with the Heart of Dallas Bowl trophy. Chico gives it to Mac, and tells Mac all about the bright future they're sure to have together. With Mac happy and distracted, Chico shoots him in the back of the head, sparing him from the wrath of the mob. 

Immediately afterwards, Rick steps back up to the podium and announces that he's signed Dan McCarney's corpse to an 8 year contract extension. 

As the day winds down, Eric Capper walks through the audience, handing out a press release for the "Jerry Joans farewell press conference". The flyer is purple ink on black paper, and the date for the press conference is somehow given as 6 days in the past. It refers to us as "North Texas State" and lists the address for Fouts Field. 

The lights are dimmed, and a mystic steps on stage to conduct a seance. The conjurer summons the Ghost of Tina Slinker, who spends 10 straight minutes laughing in Rick Villarreal's face, then sticks around to play a video game season on NBA Live 16 on Playstation. The Ghost of Tina Slinker goes 35-47 in her virtual video game season, missing the playoffs. Slinker's game is voted into the UNT Sports Hall of Fame as the best performance by a Women's Basketball coach in over a decade. 

Rick, face streaked with tears, takes the microphone and announces a 10 year home-and-home football series contract with the UNT-Dallas intramural co-ed flag football team. 

As everyone prepares to leave for the day, an unfortunate announcement is made... Our tickets to exit the building have not been delivered! Rick blames it on the post office refusing to work on Arbor Day, and everyone promises to hand out the exit tickets directly early the next morning. 

Since we're all going to have to spend the night at the Athletics Center together, the crowd decides to take turns giving their ideal vision for a new Southwest Conference as a way to pass the time. 

And, as terrible Eugene Levy Scrappy rips out the last pieces of my heart, the last words I hear are Rick Villarreal interrupting someone (who was describing at length how an all-Texas conference could work for everyone) to announce that he's extended Tony Benford to a lifetime contract. 

With that, the last of my heart is gone. Everything goes dark. 

And then, my eyes open, and it's morning, and the whole process starts all over again. 

Or...

being a UNT fan is really hard. 

 

Great work, by the by.

[FirefightnRick]

LOL...Tasty. 

 

Rick

Edited January 23, 2016 by FirefightnRick

[greenit]

5 hours ago, TheTastyGreek said:

I believe that in Hell, I'm chained to a rock at the Athletics Center. Every day when the sun breaks, it's an all day press conference. The same all day press conference. And through everything that follows, terrible Eugene Levy Scrappy pecks at my chest and devours my beating heart, using nothing but his floppy, costume beak and talons. 

First, Rick Villareal goes to the podium and tearfully announces Johnny Jones is leaving the basketball program to go coach at SMU. This is the easiest torture to bear, because it's a sharp pain, and the presentation ends quickly. 

Next to the podium is Todd Dodge, who gives a monotone speech about what a wonderful husband and father JJ was, and then does an extended, in-depth video analysis of the 2011 SBC Tournament championship game against UALR to "grade out our performance". I am unable to close my eyes or turn my head away.

At the end of his presentation, Dodge collects a urine sample from everyone in the room to test us all for marijuana. The head of the Mean Green Club screws up and puts the wrong name and address labels on every cup of urine. It doesn't matter, because Eric Capper winds up carrying the tray of pee cups out of the room. He lets his attention drift while tweeting at Johnny Quinn that bobsledding is for "pussies and Longhorn fans", and stumbles into me, soaking me with the piss of everyone in attendance. 

Rick Villarreal returns to the podium to announce that he has hired Tony Benford to replace Johnny Jones. I am unable to close my eyes or turn my head away. But, the pain I feel in my soul briefly blunts the misery of terrible Eugene Levy Scrappy chewing at my heart. 

Dan McCarney takes the stage for a slideshow presentation titled: "Iowa: Precious Memories". Unfortunately, the slide projector is... not good. We got a model that was rejected by every other college athletic department in the state, and the projector can't get the picture to hit the wall 30 feet away. An A/V technician shows up to replace it with a functional projector... But the A/V Tech is only 5'11" tall, so McCarney refuses to let him on the stage. Instead, McCarney just describes every old photograph in excruciating detail. Then, Coach Mac runs up and down the 3 small stage stairs for 30 minutes while scolding us all for not bringing more friends to watch him do it. 

The conference breaks for a catered lunch. From Jimmy Johns. And every sandwich is already slathered with mayo. 

After lunch, we get going again with an hour devoted to the Ritual Worshipping of False Idols.

First, the Todd Dodge Football Plan is presented and venerated. It is written in a magnificent rainbow of crayon colors. 

Next, an athletics department acolyte carries forward the Shanice Stephens Interview Binder. It is a Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper resplendently adorned in rainbows and unicorns. All pray over it, solemnly. 

Next, the Graven Image of the Emfinger 5-Star Recruit is borne forth. The air fills with the smell of incense and bullshit. 

Finally, a wise old fan presents the legendary Hayden Fry Vision for a Brighter Tomorrow. Divine word tells that only His Holy Fry-fulness could ever be worthy to look within and attempt to interpret its most perfect wisdom. So, none dare to open it, but many reach out to touch it, hoping that it can heal their illnesses and cure their maladies. It does nothing to heal the damage that terrible Eugene Levy Scrappy has done in devouring my heart. And I'm not able to get very close to it (I'm chained to the rock, remember), but from a distance, it appears to be just a brochure for the Mayflower Transit moving company.

After the religious component of the press conference ends, a tearful Rick V announces to all that Tony Benford has officially hired Bill Cosby and Jared Fogle as his first two assistant coaches. 

Then, Rick hands the microphone back over to Dan McCarney again, this time for a new slideshow entitled: "A Discourse on Winning a National Championship Ring at Florida". While Mac was distracted by Jimmy Johns at lunch, that A/V Tech snuck up and replaced the projector with one that is physically capable of throwing the images against the wall from more than 10 yards distance. Unfortunately, the new projector doesn't work effectively with a 1970's slide carousel, so we get another round of interminable, repetitive descriptions. 

The speech goes on forever, and it all sounds very similar to the same speech Mac had given before. At one point, while Mac polishes his national championship ring, he breaks it. A woman in the audience tries to console him, and Mac accidentally breaks her neck. As a lynch mob begins to gather, Mike Canales runs up on stage with the Heart of Dallas Bowl trophy. Chico gives it to Mac, and tells Mac all about the bright future they're sure to have together. With Mac happy and distracted, Chico shoots him in the back of the head, sparing him from the wrath of the mob. 

Immediately afterwards, Rick steps back up to the podium and announces that he's signed Dan McCarney's corpse to an 8 year contract extension. 

As the day winds down, Eric Capper walks through the audience, handing out a press release for the "Jerry Joans farewell press conference". The flyer is purple ink on black paper, and the date for the press conference is somehow given as 6 days in the past. It refers to us as "North Texas State" and lists the address for Fouts Field. 

The lights are dimmed, and a mystic steps on stage to conduct a seance. The conjurer summons the Ghost of Tina Slinker, who spends 10 straight minutes laughing in Rick Villarreal's face, then sticks around to play a video game season on NBA Live 16 on Playstation. The Ghost of Tina Slinker goes 35-47 in her virtual video game season, missing the playoffs. Slinker's game is voted into the UNT Sports Hall of Fame as the best performance by a Women's Basketball coach in over a decade. 

Rick, face streaked with tears, takes the microphone and announces a 10 year home-and-home football series contract with the UNT-Dallas intramural co-ed flag football team. 

As everyone prepares to leave for the day, an unfortunate announcement is made... Our tickets to exit the building have not been delivered! Rick blames it on the post office refusing to work on Arbor Day, and everyone promises to hand out the exit tickets directly early the next morning. 

Since we're all going to have to spend the night at the Athletics Center together, the crowd decides to take turns giving their ideal vision for a new Southwest Conference as a way to pass the time. 

And, as terrible Eugene Levy Scrappy rips out the last pieces of my heart, the last words I hear are Rick Villarreal interrupting someone (who was describing at length how an all-Texas conference could work for everyone) to announce that he's extended Tony Benford to a lifetime contract. 

With that, the last of my heart is gone. Everything goes dark. 

And then, my eyes open, and it's morning, and the whole process starts all over again. 

Please remain quietly at your keyboard.  There will be some nice men at your front door in a few minutes.

[EagleMBA]

Your discourse captured the essence of Hell, Tasty. Congratulations and beaucoup +1s. 

[Eagle-96]

17 hours ago, TheTastyGreek said:

I believe that in Hell, I'm chained to a rock at the Athletics Center. Every day when the sun breaks, it's an all day press conference. The same all day press conference. And through everything that follows, terrible Eugene Levy Scrappy pecks at my chest and devours my beating heart, using nothing but his floppy, costume beak and talons. 

First, Rick Villareal goes to the podium and tearfully announces Johnny Jones is leaving the basketball program to go coach at SMU. This is the easiest torture to bear, because it's a sharp pain, and the presentation ends quickly. 

Next to the podium is Todd Dodge, who gives a monotone speech about what a wonderful husband and father JJ was, and then does an extended, in-depth video analysis of the 2011 SBC Tournament championship game against UALR to "grade out our performance". I am unable to close my eyes or turn my head away.

At the end of his presentation, Dodge collects a urine sample from everyone in the room to test us all for marijuana. The head of the Mean Green Club screws up and puts the wrong name and address labels on every cup of urine. It doesn't matter, because Eric Capper winds up carrying the tray of pee cups out of the room. He lets his attention drift while tweeting at Johnny Quinn that bobsledding is for "pussies and Longhorn fans", and stumbles into me, soaking me with the piss of everyone in attendance. 

Rick Villarreal returns to the podium to announce that he has hired Tony Benford to replace Johnny Jones. I am unable to close my eyes or turn my head away. But, the pain I feel in my soul briefly blunts the misery of terrible Eugene Levy Scrappy chewing at my heart. 

Dan McCarney takes the stage for a slideshow presentation titled: "Iowa: Precious Memories". Unfortunately, the slide projector is... not good. We got a model that was rejected by every other college athletic department in the state, and the projector can't get the picture to hit the wall 30 feet away. An A/V technician shows up to replace it with a functional projector... But the A/V Tech is only 5'11" tall, so McCarney refuses to let him on the stage. Instead, McCarney just describes every old photograph in excruciating detail. Then, Coach Mac runs up and down the 3 small stage stairs for 30 minutes while scolding us all for not bringing more friends to watch him do it. 

The conference breaks for a catered lunch. From Jimmy Johns. And every sandwich is already slathered with mayo. 

After lunch, we get going again with an hour devoted to the Ritual Worshipping of False Idols.

First, the Todd Dodge Football Plan is presented and venerated. It is written in a magnificent rainbow of crayon colors. 

Next, an athletics department acolyte carries forward the Shanice Stephens Interview Binder. It is a Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper resplendently adorned in rainbows and unicorns. All pray over it, solemnly. 

Next, the Graven Image of the Emfinger 5-Star Recruit is borne forth. The air fills with the smell of incense and bullshit. 

Finally, a wise old fan presents the legendary Hayden Fry Vision for a Brighter Tomorrow. Divine word tells that only His Holy Fry-fulness could ever be worthy to look within and attempt to interpret its most perfect wisdom. So, none dare to open it, but many reach out to touch it, hoping that it can heal their illnesses and cure their maladies. It does nothing to heal the damage that terrible Eugene Levy Scrappy has done in devouring my heart. And I'm not able to get very close to it (I'm chained to the rock, remember), but from a distance, it appears to be just a brochure for the Mayflower Transit moving company.

After the religious component of the press conference ends, a tearful Rick V announces to all that Tony Benford has officially hired Bill Cosby and Jared Fogle as his first two assistant coaches. 

Then, Rick hands the microphone back over to Dan McCarney again, this time for a new slideshow entitled: "A Discourse on Winning a National Championship Ring at Florida". While Mac was distracted by Jimmy Johns at lunch, that A/V Tech snuck up and replaced the projector with one that is physically capable of throwing the images against the wall from more than 10 yards distance. Unfortunately, the new projector doesn't work effectively with a 1970's slide carousel, so we get another round of interminable, repetitive descriptions. 

The speech goes on forever, and it all sounds very similar to the same speech Mac had given before. At one point, while Mac polishes his national championship ring, he breaks it. A woman in the audience tries to console him, and Mac accidentally breaks her neck. As a lynch mob begins to gather, Mike Canales runs up on stage with the Heart of Dallas Bowl trophy. Chico gives it to Mac, and tells Mac all about the bright future they're sure to have together. With Mac happy and distracted, Chico shoots him in the back of the head, sparing him from the wrath of the mob. 

Immediately afterwards, Rick steps back up to the podium and announces that he's signed Dan McCarney's corpse to an 8 year contract extension. 

As the day winds down, Eric Capper walks through the audience, handing out a press release for the "Jerry Joans farewell press conference". The flyer is purple ink on black paper, and the date for the press conference is somehow given as 6 days in the past. It refers to us as "North Texas State" and lists the address for Fouts Field. 

The lights are dimmed, and a mystic steps on stage to conduct a seance. The conjurer summons the Ghost of Tina Slinker, who spends 10 straight minutes laughing in Rick Villarreal's face, then sticks around to play a video game season on NBA Live 16 on Playstation. The Ghost of Tina Slinker goes 35-47 in her virtual video game season, missing the playoffs. Slinker's game is voted into the UNT Sports Hall of Fame as the best performance by a Women's Basketball coach in over a decade. 

Rick, face streaked with tears, takes the microphone and announces a 10 year home-and-home football series contract with the UNT-Dallas intramural co-ed flag football team. 

As everyone prepares to leave for the day, an unfortunate announcement is made... Our tickets to exit the building have not been delivered! Rick blames it on the post office refusing to work on Arbor Day, and everyone promises to hand out the exit tickets directly early the next morning. 

Since we're all going to have to spend the night at the Athletics Center together, the crowd decides to take turns giving their ideal vision for a new Southwest Conference as a way to pass the time. 

And, as terrible Eugene Levy Scrappy rips out the last pieces of my heart, the last words I hear are Rick Villarreal interrupting someone (who was describing at length how an all-Texas conference could work for everyone) to announce that he's extended Tony Benford to a lifetime contract. 

With that, the last of my heart is gone. Everything goes dark. 

And then, my eyes open, and it's morning, and the whole process starts all over again. 

[Ben Gooding]

20 hours ago, TheTastyGreek said:

I believe that in Hell, I'm chained to a rock at the Athletics Center. Every day when the sun breaks, it's an all day press conference. The same all day press conference. And through everything that follows, terrible Eugene Levy Scrappy pecks at my chest and devours my beating heart, using nothing but his floppy, costume beak and talons. 

First, Rick Villareal goes to the podium and tearfully announces Johnny Jones is leaving the basketball program to go coach at SMU. This is the easiest torture to bear, because it's a sharp pain, and the presentation ends quickly. 

Next to the podium is Todd Dodge, who gives a monotone speech about what a wonderful husband and father JJ was, and then does an extended, in-depth video analysis of the 2011 SBC Tournament championship game against UALR to "grade out our performance". I am unable to close my eyes or turn my head away.

At the end of his presentation, Dodge collects a urine sample from everyone in the room to test us all for marijuana. The head of the Mean Green Club screws up and puts the wrong name and address labels on every cup of urine. It doesn't matter, because Eric Capper winds up carrying the tray of pee cups out of the room. He lets his attention drift while tweeting at Johnny Quinn that bobsledding is for "pussies and Longhorn fans", and stumbles into me, soaking me with the piss of everyone in attendance. 

Rick Villarreal returns to the podium to announce that he has hired Tony Benford to replace Johnny Jones. I am unable to close my eyes or turn my head away. But, the pain I feel in my soul briefly blunts the misery of terrible Eugene Levy Scrappy chewing at my heart. 

Dan McCarney takes the stage for a slideshow presentation titled: "Iowa: Precious Memories". Unfortunately, the slide projector is... not good. We got a model that was rejected by every other college athletic department in the state, and the projector can't get the picture to hit the wall 30 feet away. An A/V technician shows up to replace it with a functional projector... But the A/V Tech is only 5'11" tall, so McCarney refuses to let him on the stage. Instead, McCarney just describes every old photograph in excruciating detail. Then, Coach Mac runs up and down the 3 small stage stairs for 30 minutes while scolding us all for not bringing more friends to watch him do it. 

The conference breaks for a catered lunch. From Jimmy Johns. And every sandwich is already slathered with mayo. 

After lunch, we get going again with an hour devoted to the Ritual Worshipping of False Idols.

First, the Todd Dodge Football Plan is presented and venerated. It is written in a magnificent rainbow of crayon colors. 

Next, an athletics department acolyte carries forward the Shanice Stephens Interview Binder. It is a Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper resplendently adorned in rainbows and unicorns. All pray over it, solemnly. 

Next, the Graven Image of the Emfinger 5-Star Recruit is borne forth. The air fills with the smell of incense and bullshit. 

Finally, a wise old fan presents the legendary Hayden Fry Vision for a Brighter Tomorrow. Divine word tells that only His Holy Fry-fulness could ever be worthy to look within and attempt to interpret its most perfect wisdom. So, none dare to open it, but many reach out to touch it, hoping that it can heal their illnesses and cure their maladies. It does nothing to heal the damage that terrible Eugene Levy Scrappy has done in devouring my heart. And I'm not able to get very close to it (I'm chained to the rock, remember), but from a distance, it appears to be just a brochure for the Mayflower Transit moving company.

After the religious component of the press conference ends, a tearful Rick V announces to all that Tony Benford has officially hired Bill Cosby and Jared Fogle as his first two assistant coaches. 

Then, Rick hands the microphone back over to Dan McCarney again, this time for a new slideshow entitled: "A Discourse on Winning a National Championship Ring at Florida". While Mac was distracted by Jimmy Johns at lunch, that A/V Tech snuck up and replaced the projector with one that is physically capable of throwing the images against the wall from more than 10 yards distance. Unfortunately, the new projector doesn't work effectively with a 1970's slide carousel, so we get another round of interminable, repetitive descriptions. 

The speech goes on forever, and it all sounds very similar to the same speech Mac had given before. At one point, while Mac polishes his national championship ring, he breaks it. A woman in the audience tries to console him, and Mac accidentally breaks her neck. As a lynch mob begins to gather, Mike Canales runs up on stage with the Heart of Dallas Bowl trophy. Chico gives it to Mac, and tells Mac all about the bright future they're sure to have together. With Mac happy and distracted, Chico shoots him in the back of the head, sparing him from the wrath of the mob. 

Immediately afterwards, Rick steps back up to the podium and announces that he's signed Dan McCarney's corpse to an 8 year contract extension. 

As the day winds down, Eric Capper walks through the audience, handing out a press release for the "Jerry Joans farewell press conference". The flyer is purple ink on black paper, and the date for the press conference is somehow given as 6 days in the past. It refers to us as "North Texas State" and lists the address for Fouts Field. 

The lights are dimmed, and a mystic steps on stage to conduct a seance. The conjurer summons the Ghost of Tina Slinker, who spends 10 straight minutes laughing in Rick Villarreal's face, then sticks around to play a video game season on NBA Live 16 on Playstation. The Ghost of Tina Slinker goes 35-47 in her virtual video game season, missing the playoffs. Slinker's game is voted into the UNT Sports Hall of Fame as the best performance by a Women's Basketball coach in over a decade. 

Rick, face streaked with tears, takes the microphone and announces a 10 year home-and-home football series contract with the UNT-Dallas intramural co-ed flag football team. 

As everyone prepares to leave for the day, an unfortunate announcement is made... Our tickets to exit the building have not been delivered! Rick blames it on the post office refusing to work on Arbor Day, and everyone promises to hand out the exit tickets directly early the next morning. 

Since we're all going to have to spend the night at the Athletics Center together, the crowd decides to take turns giving their ideal vision for a new Southwest Conference as a way to pass the time. 

And, as terrible Eugene Levy Scrappy rips out the last pieces of my heart, the last words I hear are Rick Villarreal interrupting someone (who was describing at length how an all-Texas conference could work for everyone) to announce that he's extended Tony Benford to a lifetime contract. 

With that, the last of my heart is gone. Everything goes dark. 

And then, my eyes open, and it's morning, and the whole process starts all over again. 

This is Gold. Gold standard in posting. Bravo. 

[Christopher Walker]

On January 22, 2016 at 7:20 AM, VideoEagle said:

OK, so I just looked at my email and found the note below from Eric and what he found. The mistake wasn't done by anyone in the athletic department but rather from CBS Interactive. CBS Interactive was trying a new template and THAT was what caused the white on white problem. Getting all of the bugs out of software or a website before it goes live simply isn't possible as no one can test for every single situation that comes up. I suspect someone at CBSInteractive is already working to fix the template. 

But this problem wasn't in the athletic department, it was at CBS Interactive. The department does make mistakes, but this wasn't one of them. 

Sorry, but that's a bullshit excuse.

If we're seriously tied to CBS interactive for email, but go with the local heroes of Swash Labs for everything else social... 

Damn, this department is so disjunct. It quite literally seems like no two people know what the other is doing. 

[oldguystudent]

1 hour ago, Christopher Walker said:

Sorry, but that's a bullshit excuse.

If we're seriously tied to CBS interactive for email, but go with the local heroes of Swash Labs for everything else social... 

Damn, this department is so disjunct. It quite literally seems like no two people know what the other is doing. 

This is, perhaps with some irony, a concept that is repeatedly shoved down the throats and seared into the minds of students at the UNT School of Business, as an example of things to avoid at all costs.

[Army of Dad]

@TheTastyGreek I hate to criticize such brilliance, but you have a typo in there. You mentioned Cosby and Fogle as the first two assistant coaches. Surely you meant the fifth and sixth assistants...

[MeanGreenTexan]

11 minutes ago, Army of Dad said:

@TheTastyGreek I hate to criticize such brilliance, but you have a typo in there. You mentioned Cosby and Fogle as the first two assistant coaches. Surely you meant the fifth and sixth assistants...

Pretty sure he meant "GAs".