HarringtonFishSmeller

That position is, as Coach Littrell would say, is teeing it high. Really high. So high, even a Participation Trophy kid should be able to fulfill it. Sample Sales Script: Insurance Person: "Are you alive?" Person: "So far." Insurance Person: "Do you have a house, live in a house, or have a car?" Person: "Usually. When I'm not on a bender after a North Texas football or basketball game and my wife lets me back in the house." Insurance Person: "Can you remember your birth date and how to spell things like your name and address on a computer?" Person: "I have a degree from North Texas, don't I?" Insurance Person: "You can quote your own insurance quotes at www.uquotem.com! You don't even have to talk to insurance people upfront. It's like having a secret lover!" Person: "Sweet." Insurance Person: "Yeah, and there are links there for health and life insurance, too, if you need quotes for those." Person: "Oh, yeah. I need those if I'm sick or dead. Barack Obama says so." Insurance Person: "He didn't say anything about life, just health." Person: "He's half-black and half-white, just like health and life insurance - I have to have one and then there's the other." Insurance Person: "Good point!" If sold: 80% commission to Participation Trophy Generation survivor.

The vaginas quotient runs high in the Participation Trophy Generation of young "men." That's why we pretty much make it a rule not to hire anyone under the age of 35. In fact, I think probably one of the best questions you can ask during an interview is, "How many participation trophies do you have at home from your childhood?" If the answer is, "Oh, too many to count! And, we had pizza and cake parties at the end of the season, too, when coach handed them out!" that's enough red flags to physically pick up the candidate out of his chair and toss his ass out the door. What you want is someone who says, "What's a participation trophy? If we didn't finish in first place, my dad made me sleep out on the back porch until the next season, and eat dog food with Max The Marvelous Border Collie, who we rescued from a den of wolves as a pup in the wild." That's a kid who will sell for you and not get his dauber down when people tell him, "No! You suck, and your product sucks, and your company sucks! Go get your suck on somewhere else, animalfart breath!" I carry this over to coaching children. I had a parent say to me about his daughter, "I'm sorry that my girl tries to take the ball away from everyone." This girl would take the ball from her own teammates because she wanted to score. I told him, "No. She has something you can't coach. She has a natural striker's mentality - all or nothing, give me the ball, I want to score, I want to win!" You have to have one of those, maybe two, on your soccer teams. (You also need one or two dirty defenders in the middle who will stomp the opponents toes, kick their shins, and give bruising elbows. Every striker and midfielder who goes into their quarter of the field must pay a price. Last Saturday, my daughter's soccer team lost for the first time, and she whined to me, "Daddy, number 9 kept stepping on my toes, that's not fair." I told her, "That's the way soccer is when you get older, sweetie. There is no 'fair.' You're going to have to stomp back.") These personality types rub many people wrong. But, they make great soccer strikers, baseball and softball catchers and starting pitchers, quarterbacks, point guards. Very few will grow up, look in their shorts, and wonder which sex they are. They don't have time for that - there is winning to do. So, that this can stay North Texas football-related, Coach Littrell needs to get the team at midfield on the first day of spring practices and say, "Everyone look in your pants. If you see your penis, but think you are a girl, go back to the locker room now, turn in your equipment, and ask for a scholarship release. I'll have it waiting on my secretary's desk the next morning." I know that as hopeless as it seems when you see these limp-wristed, whiny young men on television, mewling like women for "safe spaces" and crap, you have to take the Yoda mentality, so that when Ghost Ben says, "This was the last one" you can say, "No, there is another"...and, hope against all hope that there are still some men out there fathering and guiding their sons to unconfused manhood.

"I'm a woman! And, an East German woman at that - behold my hairy, East German woman pits! SPOILER ALERT: Nadia Comăneci is a man, baby! Yeah!"

Most of Jones' classes were better than was SMU Jesus has brought in. The thing SMU Jesus supposedly has is "he was a Texas high school coach...he's got Texas ties!" Yeah, well, who cares? There has been one Division I, outright national title in football won by a Texas school since 1969. One. So, for all the hoop and hollar about how great Texas talent is...and, we don't even sniff the best of it - same as SMU. It's like my Paw Paw used to saw: "For the canoe to get somewhere you have to get it and start rowing it. You're never going to haul the same amount of oil in it as an oil tanker either; so, stop dreaming about it. Get good at canoeing because that's what you have - a canoe. Do what you can do in a canoe by mastering what a canoe can do. Then, you will have accomplished something in the way of canoeing." Seth and SMU Jesus have a lot of rowing to do. A lot.

In what way? They signed a recruiting class identical to the year before...which was crappy. And, so that's the thrust of the gist of the argument, then, isn't it? We say something is going to happen, then we pretend it's happening. This is the type of thinking that got John Hinkley, Jr. to believe that if he would assassinate President Reagan then Jodie Foster would be all his. In our scenario - and SMU's as well - the belief that assassination would get us some strange is the recruiting class we've signed; Jodie Foster, though, represents the players we really want. You follow? I found a video of Seth Littrell and SMU Jesus on the recruiting trail together. You'll love it:

It means when you look at your sex organs, you don't know what you are. It's yet another mental illness people are calling normal these days. Now, apparently, it's a "you've got your own phone number" kind of mental illness.

Listen to some of you: "We hired a new coach because the old one didn't win enough; can't wait 'til this guy posts three whole, entire wins for us! What a success story that will be! Recruits will be crawling all over each other just to get a piece of that three win mentality!" If three is the threshold, what was the point of tossing McCarney? He won at least three games four times in five tries. Six. Aim higher, please.

Weak OOC and C-USunbelt. It isn't rocket science. Besides, I've already posted that if we can't win over the next four years, we need to give up and drop down because fail for four more years will be indicative of where our talent level is no matter what kind of coach we've hired.

Remember, too, that we've got an Okie for Muskogee leading us now, and I suspect he'll bring this attitude:

SMU, Army, Bethune-Cookman, UTSA, UTEP, Rice...throw in Western Kentucky and La Tech breaking in a new QBs as well. Three of the four OOCs are winnable. So are UTSA, UTEP, and Rice. Pick off WKU or La Tech as well, and there is your six. Believe in the Mean Green...because the schedule and conference are favorable.

Or, Joan Jett. Those are easily booked these days. I don't really care about concerts, even though I went to AC/DC Tuesday night at the AAC. To me, concert's just a possibility to have the turf torn up. You guys are just looking for stuff to be pissed off about. Shut up and be happy that you have good health. These football games and concerts are just hobbies. Quit acting like spastic douchequeefs about everything.

Guys, be realistic, please. We don't play in the SEC. We play in the Sunbelt 2.0, okay? Out Of Conference: SMU, Bethune-Cookman, Army, Florida. I don't care how bad the team was in 2015, in 2016 we will have a quarterback, Morris, who can complete a five yard pass - which is the major skill needed in this type of offense. Just having that alone will cure 99% of the offensive ills from last year. I'm also making the huge leap of faith that Morris, after four years with Saban, is probably a bit more tuned in to what it takes off the field for a QB to be successful, and continues to do that here. He will be the hero of 2016...if he isn't injured. Do not be wholly shocked if we are 3-1 out of conference, then. At worst, we'll be 2-2. C-USunBelt Winning four of eight conference games in a conference this pitiful really isn't asking much. Again, had we a quarterback in 2015 who could simply put the ball into the hands of a receiver five yard within the line of scrimmage last year, many ills would have been cured. If we don't win six this year, 2017 is a real problem because we start at square one again at QB. (Sorry, I'm not sold on the little Oklahoma kid being the answer...I do hope he fits in somewhere along the way, but not at QB). A successful 2016 - which, to me, mean getting bowl eligible - makes us more attractive to higher up QB recruits, both prep and JUCO, so that 2017 is in the hands of another newcomer, but a newcomer with much better upside than any back up QB on the 2016 roster. #HITSIX

Too low, by half. With the OOC schedule and C-USun Belt Conference, we'll go 6-6. The only thing that would derail a 6-6 season is an injury to Alec Morris.

Walt Disney?

Can't you guys just give the old Tina Yother site to 90 to let him, you know, blog oughts-style about his innermost RV feelings? If anyone ever really cares, they can just go there and add "comments" at the bottom on the blog posts. And, they will both, you know, be reaffirming each other in a way that we don't have to see here so we can get back to proper discussions of helmet logos, the next round of changing the shade of green, and how quickly Derek Thompson will be eligible for the Hall of Fame. It's the next logical step: (1) Say there's going to be a space program (2) Get a space program (3) Land on the moon (4) Give 90 the keys to the Tina Yothers site